The teeth fiasco has finally ebbed.

Haley suffered through all 4 canines and 1 possibly 2 molars.. but my little girl is back again with her giggles and her smiles.

Milder temperatures are around us too finally, there wont be anymore snow, thankfully.

We started the backyard renovations again, a few minor setbacks but nothing we cant get finished. the decking around the pool is starting to look good. When the backyard is finally finished ((hopefully this year)) it's going to look great.

I am so ready to have this baby its ridiculous!

Springtime!!

Winter is unrelenting where I live. It seems like it sticks and won't let go. You watch the ice come in off the horizon in the bay and you wait for it to move out. Now living next to the ocean your whole life as well and your family for a few generations back you have all the sayings. My nanny could predict the weather simply by looking at the sunrise or sunset, the way the clouds were blowing, and she taught me how to smell the sky and listen for the seasons to change. Spring will come after the 3rd silver thaw don't you know... the ice needs to leave the bay, come back in, and second times out ... if a bird hits your window call your family members and make sure no one is sick because someone you love is going to pass away.... first warm day in spring open your windows to let the fairies in.... if a broom falls and hits the floor unexpected company will call on you... all these little things that I never really thought about as a child. It was just the way things happened. Every spring I think of these things, I don't know why .. well yeah... I guess I do... she died when I was 10 ... well almost 10... it was 7 days before my 10th birthday ... the end of May.

It's amazing how much someone can affect you in only a short time knowing them.. I remember almost everything she ever said to me.. but I can't remember her voice. I hope I can influence my kids and hopfully my grandkids like that someday. Yeah alot of things she would teach me are considered by many to be supersticious nonsense, I don't care .. I still look at the sunrise and predict the weather... and I always call family if a bird hits my window.

The baby is growing fast now too. I don't think I'll make it to June due date. I think this will be a May baby, poor Haley in the past week has been just miserable. She's getting a bunch of teeth all at the same time... oooh sleep how I miss you!!

CarLag

Yes it is an actual event, to become CarLagged. Very similar to JetLagged, and wow what a weekend to back it up!

Last week it came to pass that our car was not going to cut it anymore. Too many children piled and too many other children. 5 passenger car.... 7 people.

So I went out to look.... honestly to look... I swear to you. 3 hours later I was told to come in tomorrow to pick up my new 2009 Grand Caravan. I'm still trying to figure out how it happened... but... my truck effing rox!!!

So yes new truck/van for the family. Everyone loves it, especially me. So we decided to break it in and we drove to Montreal. Me, Chris, my brother, his girlfriend and Chris' sister. All into the van and we drove the 1498 KM to Montreal. No stopping, we just rotated driving and went. Arrived in Montreal and got our rooms, got showers and took off again and what a great time. The UFC fight was amazing, what a great experience and yes we are going back to the next one. We spent most of the next day in China Town shopping and we just had a blast hanging out with each other. It was really REALLY nice. Then we all piled in the truck and drove home. This was in the span of apr 17 - 20. Apr 17-18 was driving mostly... then last part of 18 - half of 19 was being in Montreal... last half of 19 - 20 was driving.

WHAT A BLAST!!!

When we got home the utter exhaustion was unreal. I'm STILL recouping at home but it was worth ever pennt we spent AND I just booked another trip for us to Montreal in August. This time though my oldest with be travelling with us, it's her grading gift. The Bell Center has a show on called "Walking with Dinosaurs" and my daughter is an 8 year old palentologist, she has so many names and stats memorized she amazes me. So what they do is take the rink and turn it into a jurrasic park and have TO SCALE dinosaurs walking around. They whole thing is narrated by a man and they do it in a documentary style. I youtubed some of it and my daughter freaked out when she saw it, she thought they were real. AND to add to her experience I bought an extra ticket for her father who is in Toronto and he is going to drive down to meet us and see her, so needless to say, mommy is awesome XD

The cold is starting again, I can see it ont he edge of ever sniffle and cough in the house and like a Tylenol ladden superhero I walk the premesis with my spoon and bottle thwarting said germs wherever I go.

Also 32 weeks pregnant now, 54 days to go and that's IF I go to term this time, which I know I wont. I can't believe another little bumm in a few weeks.

Very Happy

Day 3 on Maternity Leave!!

2 days of running back and forth to EI getting the paperwork done is complete thankfully. Yesterday I managed to get all the floors in my house swept and mopped and 3 loads of laundry done. It's amazing that my house still looks like a tornado hit it.

Haley is sooo happy to have me home I think lol. Mommy Mommy Uppy is the common phrase in my house atm.

Raven is now done of her after school program which she is really happy about. So she comes home right after school and we go to TKD 3 times a week now... actually... not to self..TLD tonight at 530.

Raven's father is coming home from Toronto to visit with her, she's very excited about that, he arrives today at some point. I'm really glad we were able to address all the issues we had and move on as adults. It's good for Raven to know we get along. She is very lucky to have a father that loves her so much and a step da that loves her too.

Chris has his test and interview Saturday morning. Oh I hope he does well, oh please please please let him do well, we need this sooooo bad.

I wonder if the rooms will actually be started this weekend... I've been saying they will be... but... hmmm I'm wondering now... alot of stuff happening this weekend.

15 DAYS TO MONTREAL!! I can't wait!

I hate going home when I know there's going to be a fight. I've had a headache all day.

I can't help it that I get frustrated sometimes. How come everyone else can take their tantrums and throw things and yell, but when throw my hands up, or just cry, or say I can't I can't anymore..

I don't blame you for anything, why you always read so much more into things .. why you always think I'm saying more than I'm actually saying I don't know.

It's not my fault all the time. and I won't apologize for feeling sad.or frustrated... I'm allowed too.

I am a human pincushion

I was called by the hospital yesterday that my glucose tests came back a little high. So could I go in today and get more blood work done.

So I arrived at the hospital at 645 AM and waited my turn in line... come to find out that it isn't a pre natal screening.... it's a diabetic screening. SO, first thing is blood work and a finger prick to test the sugar. Then you drink the glucose, then I had to wait.... for an hour... and I was told not to leave the hospital. So I already had a needle hole in my left arm from Friday when I had the first batch of bloodwork... so now left arm has 2 needle holes and 1 finger prick...

Off to the hallway... the drftiest...coldest hallway in exsistence. I found a poofy chair to sit in, and I tried to sleep for an hour. 915am I head into get another round done. This time in my right arm. Left arm 2 needle holes and a finger prick, right arm 1 needle hole.

THEN they tell me... oh no you have to come back in another hour and no you can't leave the hospital...

sigh

back to the hallway... stupid cold

managed to doze of a bit, then I waddled my way back into the lab and yes... they called me "The Waddler" and then got another needle again in my left.... poor lefty...

So as it stands :

Left Arm 3 needle holes and a finger prick
Right Arm 1 needle hole

Arms looking like a heroine addicts whilst pregnant...... priceless

7 more days!!

That's all I have to wait until I leave on my much anticipated maternity leave. Well, anticipated for me at least. My employers would have it different if left to them. I was planning on staying on until May, but, I am having alot of pain and discomfort at this point and since I was a "good girl" for Haley's birth and went back to work within weeks of her arrival, in my honest opinion I think I'm due for some home time.

Raven was awarded her orange belt in Tae Kwon Do last Sunday. She was so excited and proud. I think that's something that is lacking in alot of children these days, a sense of pride in something.... anything. Raven loves it, and that's all that matters. It's something for her to work at. A goal for her to attain. She doesn't like to "spar" with other children at all. She is afraid of hurting someone. We decided to put her into it ((with alot of please please please mommy can I can I can I's)) to increase her confidence. To my absolute delight it has increased her confidence. She is also starting to stick up for herself alot more now. She was the child that would let other kids take things from her, or say and do mean things to her. She would never stand up for herself because unlike the children that were aggrivating her... she didn't want to say mean things to them because it isn't nice to hurt other people's feeling.

That is my little girl. Sometimes the words that come out of her mouth are not those of a soon - to - be 9 year old. I have always called her an old soul, there is something about her that is so profound and amazing, I cannot even put it to words.

She makes me a better person.

Then comes Haley Haley Haley bean. One of the funniest little people I have ever met. I can't believe she's a year and a half already. She follows Raven around endlessly. Raven in her eyes hung the moon. Everything she does is great, everything she has is great. Raven is so good with her and always wants to help.

Hearing her talk, oh my heart melts daily at her little voice. Haley's little voice. Listening to her try to sing songs of her favorite shows and her funny little shuffle dance she does. She also loves to run around with a plastic bucket on her head and a cape on her shoulders to which we have affectionatly named her, "CAPTAIN BUCKETHEAD"

7 more days ... I honestly can't wait

Once again I have a gap of time to fill in. 6 months to brief you on.

I am actually 6 months pregnant...yes again... with my third child. I'm due in June, after my 32nd birthday. I'm still at the radio station, although not for much longer. I'll be taking my much needed maternity in a few months.

Lizzie and Mathew began living with us last October, Children's Aid took custody of them and placed them in our care, and now for the last month or so Karley has been living with us as well. Needless to say the house isn't quite big enough to hold us all... but we're trying.

Some days the kids are getting better. Other days I could rip my hair out in frustration. Lizzie can barely read and she's in grade 4, Mathew cannot read and he's in grade 3.

Needless to say we have our hands full. Raven doesn't seem to mind all the kids around. She gets crowded at times and says "Mommy I need a break" which usually means, "Can I stay over Nanny and Poppy's this weekend" , which to the delight of my parents, does happen.

Haley loves having all the people around. She is so social now. Laughing and jumping and running and playing.

Karley is the typical teenager. Full of piss and vinegar, rage for all around her and the world owes her a debt.

We're waiting to hear from a child psychologist for Mathew, and hopefully we can get him diagnosed with whatever is wrong with him. He shows distinct signs of ODD and CD, granted I'm not a psychologist. Lizzie also needs someone to talk to. She always needs to be the person who pleases everyone. She won't say something bad so she won't make the person feel bad. She needs someone neutral in all this to confide in.

Karley talks to me, more than most of the others which is good, but, she also needs to talk to someone who can give her advice in that neutral way. She's going to fail this year, her marks are all 30's and 40's. Mathew I think as well SHOULD fail, but schools these days are obsessed with pushing children through. How a 9 year old made it to grade 3 and he can't even recognize and read the word "dog" is beyond me. Poor kids. As much as I get so frustrated with the backtalk and the not listening and the constant "I hate You's" , it's not their fault. I just wish I knew where to even start with them.

I don't want Mathew to end up in jail. I don't want Karley to become another teen statistic, I don't want Lizzie trying to find a guy like her father because she needs his love that she never gets.

I haven't been sleeping. For the past 3 weeks I can't sleep, which is not good for a woman 6 months pregnant. None of this is. My god I dont need this stress. Neither does chris for that matter. None of us asked for this and that includes the children.

almost 6 months... I can't believe it's been that long.

It has been far too long.

Over a year and a half since I've last posted and it's time to get reaquainted.

I had just found out I was pregnant in my last post. It turned out I was farther along than I was originally told, but to tell a story you start from the beginning and I digress.

I finished out my finally year in school. I finished with top marks and with the top major project of the year. I was really looking forward to walking down the isle and getting my degree, but, that did not happen.

We decided to move home to Cape Breton Island to raise the children. It made the most sense to us as a family. we would be closer to both our families and they would be able to provide us with support and help while we both worked.
So during my final internship which I once again took at CTV in Halifax, I left with 2 weeks to go due to family issues. My uncle Wayne who was diagnosed with inoperable cancer was given 2 weeks to live. So I left everything and went home. By this time Raven and Chris had already moved back to Cape Breton, I had been living in the Valley by myself for the past few weeks. I was offered positions in CTV in Halifax and truth be told I didn't want to leave. The people were fantastic and I love them to this day, but, life happens I suppose.

Off to Cape Breton I flew as fast as I could. I help my mother and Aunt look after my Uncle. By the time I had gotten home they were so exhausted with the care they had already been giving him, and, I love my uncle Wayne and always will, but, he wasn't always the easiest person to get along with.

What I saw in Wayne those last 2 weeks I was with him was a different person. He started to ask for me to go over instead of others. I would make him some tea and give him his medications. If he needed to throw up he would do it on me , in my hands, or tissue I was holding if no bin was readily available. He started to get more reflective. We would talk about when I was young and the things we would talk about back then and the silly things I did as a child. I made him laugh, and made him feel like he wasn't sick. He wanted to see my new baby so much, he wanted to hold her.

Yes... her.

We found out through an ultrasound that summer that my new baby was another girl, we were very happy. We already had a name picked out for a girl and we were calling the baby Haley before we even left the hospital.
Uncle Wayne died before we found out what the baby was, but, I did tell him we were going to call her Haley if she was a girl. Haley, is my mothers and Wayne's last name, so it was in honor of them, their family. That made him happy I think.

By the end of his life, Wayne wanted to die at home, where he had always lived, and where he was most comfortable. Nurses would come into the home to give him some pain medication, and by the last day he was barley coherant, the nurses could only keep him comfortable. The day after the anniversary of my grandmother (Wayne's mother) death, he died. He told me he wanted to make it to nany's anniversary. He told me that, and I knew, he would die soon after that. Within hours of the anniversary...he was gone. He died on his favorite couch, in his sleep, and we were all there. I cried for the funeral, I was so sad. Happy that he wasn't suffering anymore. But sad that I was one less family member short.

I didn't go to the graveyard, they upset me a lot. I was also very large at this point in my pregnancy, and the heat bothered me and I felt faint. I stayed home and cried. I honored Wayne in my own way, and I think he would have understood.

I had Haley on September 28th. She was 7, 7. Almost as big a raven was when she was born.
I had another wonderful birth, no complications, and after a week of hospital stay due to Haley's jaundice, they let us leave.

Since then, I've been working at a radio station in Glace Bay. We've bought our first house for the family in Sydney. The kids love it, it even has a pool in the backyard. We are renovating, Haley has a birthday coming up soon.

My children are doing great. Raven is happy to be back in Cape Breton. Haley is growing like a weed. And other than the lot of us being sick.... things are going well.
Family drama has increased since we've been home, but, it's something we're handling.
Me and Chris are doing well. We talk about marriage now and then, I think we may bite the bullet someday, but for now, I think we're where we want to be. Sometime I get scared thinking about marriage. I think I may just be afraid if I do get married the same thing that happened to my first marriage will happen again. When I think of that I realize if I'm worrying about it..i'm not ready yet.

Those are the highlights and lowlights of the last year and a bit, the gaps are filled in by gloriously mundane day to day life. I like it that way. I like being a home body now. Being with the family and trying to catch up to all the house work. Watching my kids grow and learn, and trying to sneak a kiss to Chris when the kids aren't in the room...

I'm so sporadic with my writing now. I was so busy with school. It was like that was all that mattered.

There are only a few weeks left of school. I had a job offer from Mount Saint Vincent, and CTV, and out west. But, life has a sense of humor, at least...I hope it's humor.

I found out last week that I'm pregnant again with my second child. Chris is very excited, Raven is very happy, I'm happy too, but really scared.

I can't take any of those jobs now, 2 years of school and I don't know if I'll ever work in industry now. I hope everything will be ok, the baby is due around October 31st. I hope I get my boy. All I want really is a healthy baby, but, I would like my boy.

My father is doing better. The Chemo is done, they think he may be in remission. We found out though that my uncle Wayne has alot of tumors though, inoperable cancer. He's been on chemo now for a few months and they had to put him on radiation to shrink the mass but it isn't working. I hope he gets to see the baby when he/she is born. I honestly don't know if he will live out the year.

So tired of cancer....

Octoberween

Wow 2 months since I've posted. Where to begin. School finally started ,it was great to get back and to see everyone again. Be back at me place and find a routine. Iain got really sick the first week of school and we were told he wouldn't be around for much longer. All his friends and family rallied and came to see him in the hospital and he pulled through! He made it alot longer than they thought he would.

Iain passed away on Wednesday at 9am. He was 27. He had alot of people who loved him, and his family was with him when he left.

I don't really know what else to say. Chris and the guys miss him so much. Everyone does. My thoughts keep spinning on his mom and dad and his brother and his girlfriend.

Iain wouldn't want anyone to be sad.

I guess we all have to see how wonderful everyday we have is. Each day to be like your last. Tell everyone you love them, hug everyone you can, love without fear of rejection, dance in the rain, eat dessert first, jump in that puddle, say your sorry, scream at the top of your lungs, take the time.

Every minute we spend in sorrow , is one more minute we lose of laughter.

A few weeks left.

Only a few. I think I can make it. These next few weeks will be crazy. I start doing morning shifts at the station and then do my night shifts at the restaurant. I get my hours and thats the important thing.

I'll be a few weeks without the funds to pay my tuition or books, but I'll manage.

Ravens father came home from Ontario to see her, she's been gone with him for a few days. I miss her. But it's good she'll be with him for some of the crazy weeks, I'll be working 16 hours a day minimum so I won't be home much anyways.

The compuer store has been set back for Chris, so he's going to have to leave again. Alberta. I hope he'll be able to come home for xmas.

I can't wait to be away again. I'm going to miss my father alot. I hope he starts to get better soon. He was having such High fevers he was hospitalized 3 times since he stated chemo. They have ut it off for a few weeks till his counts go back up. They think they are going to have to change the dosage of chemo, he can't keep falling inot high fevers.

Me and my mother have just been fighting all the time, she's so hateful to everyone. Saying she's going to kill my father, I'm a horrible person and a bad mother, just horrible mean things all the time.

My dad told me that his last wish when he dies is for me and my mom to get along. I asked him if she even liked me, I've known I think for a long time that she just doesn't like me. He said just said that she doesn't like anyone. Basically conforming my thoughts.

What does that mean when your own mother can't stand you? How am I suppose to be a good mother when my own hates me?

Meh, positive thoughts right? positive thoughts....

School, I can't wait to get back. I'm working so hard this year, I want to get honors when I graduate in June, I want to land a great job.

I have a tonne of ideas for projects I would like to do. I can't believe Raven is going to school, time is flying. I'm lucky to have her and Chris, they're my reason for waking up every morning.

Yeah teh link to my music video wasn't working, here is the good one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63nwASlbaeg

oh what has been going on. Im on the radio now in sydney, I have a second job waitressing in the nights, Im tired all the time, raven has strep throat, another flat tire, my liscense is expired and my plates expire next month, money = 0

I think it's just the lack of sleep, I'm just cranky and tired, Dad is getting increasingly sick from the chemo, mom is being an arsehole, I hardly ever get to spend time with raven or chris.

I can't wait to get back to Kentville in September just so I can have a vacation. I can certainly wait to go through all the bugs that are going to be in the apartment... i hate earwigs so much.

The quitting smoking thing has pretty much gone out the window at this point, I'll try again later, can't really be bothered right now.

My First Web Posted Music Video.

I finihsed my first music video done on my Avid System, check it out for me and leave a comment.

http://www.youtube.com/63nwASlbaeg

I pretty sure I'm going to be poor forever.

Why would someone call you to just talk about how much of a raise they got, oh I'm making a million dollars a year now, oooh you're still on per hour huh... fuck you I mean really

I already feel like a tool most of the time... I'm probably not going to get a job out of school, you know, Murphy's law and what not. I'm destined to work shit jobs for the rest of my life. I was really feeling good about myself for the last little bit. Working at the station, then I find out I have to get a second job, so there goes my time with Raven.

I feel like a failure. Fucking bug infested apartments and minimum wage fucking jobs, wo0t to the future. I'm sure Raven will be oh so proud of me when she gets older.

Fucker why does he even bother to call, why do I pick up the phone?

can't even be bothered to type, sorry if I brought anyone down

such is life

Things are smoothing out

My little cousin is doing well now, so I've been told, I wanna take a shot over soon to see everyone.

Went to a great live show the other night. Some good local bands, a little rough around the edges, but hey they may shape it up. I'm trying to get as many of them as I can to send me thier demos. I'm trying to get Bill to allow me to do a 30 minute show of local talent. The form of music means if he did allow it, it would probably be late at night, which is fine, I'd come in to do it no problem. I want to approach him when I get enough demos to hae a look at... if anything is Radio friendly that is. We shall see.

Oh so very tired latley. Getting used to the 6 am stint again though, I'm working more on my editing, I'm hoping to have the Shut me Up video done today or tomorrow.

The baby has the cold, she's all sniffly, I think I'm getting sick as well, I don't feel good at all.

BOO COLDS

My dad went to the Sydney Cancer Clinic yesterday.

The told him it was definently cancer, and it's still there.

So they're going to be calling sometime in the future to start the chemo. They said that would be easier on him.

He's been really sick since he got home from there. They have him on a new perscription for the pain, it's a form of oxycontin. Yeah that's all he needs .. to get addicted to the friggin oxies.

Anyway, I've been in a daze the last few days, I have so many things going through my head. People keep asking me how dad is doing... I just tell them he's ok so I don't have to go into anything.

Life is weird, my little cousin tried to kil herself the other day. She tried to overdose on pills, they put her in the Regional. I was going to go in to see her, but was told she would probably be in Psychiactric and they don't let visitors in, I asked a nurse I knew to check for me to be sure, she said that is she is on her bed list she'd call me but if not she would be in the Psych ward, she said she wasn't on the bed list... so I assumed.

So aparently they put her in pediactric ward, with dad sick and everything I really didn't press anything and now she's out and now my aunt (her grandmother) is mad at my mom because we didn't go visit her and she's out now.

I'm so sick of all this idiotic fighting over stupid trivialities. Every second we waist on hate, saddness, depression, stupid fights over whatever in another minute that someone... alot of people... would give anything for... and we waist them.. and then when it's too late everyone is pissing and moaning over... Oh I should have said this... Oh I should have spent more time... I want to slap people all the time now.

Now is the time to say those things. Now is the time to spend that time with them.

I'm too tired and worried about my Dad to bullshit with people anymore.

JOOOONE

June already!?! WTF

Tomorrow is the summer solstice already! First day of summer and the longest day of the year.
I truly do have alot to be thankful for so far this year. My father pulled through his operation fine, he is home FINALLY and he's taking everything one day at a time. The got the results back from the half of the lung they tok out. It is cancer and it's a good thing they got it out when they did. so we're waiting to hear back from the Cancer Clinic in Sydney to find out if he needs Chemo or radiation.

One day at a time....

Finally on the payroll at The Coast 89.7FM

Having a blast here, I love the work, and I love being off at 2pm everyday with weekends off WO0T!!

Raven is in T Ball now and she has her first game on Thursday, Dad wants to come so hopfully he'll be feeling well enough to travel to Sydney that day.

I think I may be going back to school for a third year now, that way I will have my TV and Radio degrees, that way I'm not closing any doors, I'll have options.

Chris is going to Halifax for Canada Day weekend to help Iain move to his new apartment, he's going to be in the hospital round then getting his bone marrow transplant, thank goodness his twin brother was a match, so here's hoping this will kick him into remission.

We went to the circus last week with the kids... 80 bucks for braclets!?! WTF meh at least the kids had a blast, we took alot of pictures and they are still talking about it this week, that's all that matters really.

My birthday was good. My friends made a funny Insane Angel cake and gave me crazy gifts, my friends are awesome. We also went back to Kentville to get Raven registered for school, the fish were still alive!!! I was impressed. The teacher loved Raven, they were insinuating a little about moving her to grade 1, meh, we'll see about that I suppose.

Avian had her baptism! She is getting SOOOOOO big! so that was a full day, poor April trying not to take a stroke from the stress, hehe it was a great day none the less and she has one of the most beautiful daughters in the universe (next to raven of course) so all is well. everyone had a great time and the food was great! So good baptism everyone! Game On! =P

Chris is thinking he may want to go into carpentry which I think is an excellent choice. He's very artistic and like to create things. I think he would excel in carpentry.

I think that's it for now, we shall see how the month pans out...

Crazy Days

I haven't posted in a while. Tonnes of new stuff has been going on. I'm in Cape Breton now, I had to come home to do an internship at CBC television in Sydney. It's going great, my first 2 weeks I've had 5 stories that I helped the shooting with go to air and then be picked up by other netowrks and go national, one of which I pitched to Halifax myself and did the story.

I'm shadowing the "techie" guru now, he's great and he's trying to get them to hire me on for the summer to help him with everything, he's impressed with my work ethic and how quickly I'm catching on.

I've been hired on at The Coast 89.7 FM for the summer, so thats great, I get to stay in Cape Breton for the summer now. Granted my apartment is empty in Kentville and I'm still paying for it... I wonder if my fish are still alive.

I have to go back to Kentvile in a week or 2 to register Raven in school, time is a flyin.

I also found out my father has cancer.

Lung Cancer.

He has to go into surgery on Monday and have half of his lung taken out. There is a chance he will not survive the operation because of his already bad lung condition, granted the percentage is slim. Also I've been doing research on his surgery and they have all these percentages about chance of death in the following 5 years.

I hate this. He gave up his whole life for our family.... and now this. Why can't the pedophiles die like this, the murderes and the rapists... why my dad.

I'm so scared, I"m trying to be strong for him. I cry in the bathroom when no one is around so they won't hear me, I cry in the shower.

I can't imagine exsisting without my father, what will I do?

I'm trying to focus alot more on my work, to keep my mind occupied. I forgot my birthday is soon. Dad asked me this morning what I wanted for my birthday.

Just you Dad I said... Just you.

Happy 2 year birthday Blog!!

Yip it's been here for 2 years now. Wow, I didn't think it'd make it this long.

The slackness in my bogging meh, ahh well, at least when I write I have something to talk about.

The last 2 weeks have rocked!! I was asked by my Instructor to work the Junos!! Now I'm not a fan of the music award show genre, but to work it, that's another story. The experience was amazing.

My first day I worked for Live @ 5. I covered the free concert down at the park. I got to meet Bruce Frisco and I worked his camera. I also got to meet a lot of the camera guys and director of Live @ 5, so great times and great contacts on day 1. Day 2 I spent on the red carpet all day. I got to hook up the "mobile" to the plasma screen on the carpet and I also got me a red carpet pass which came into play a few days later. That day I got to meet a lot of the head players at CTV that work in Toronto, great guys, and they liked me... So bonus.

Next 2 days I worked for Live @ 5 again at a bar downtown Halifax called Cheers. There I got to do Audio for Susan Aglukark who did a performance for the show and I got to meet Barney Bental and Jim Cuddy from Blue Rodeo. They were all wicked nice guys and girls, I also got to work with Bruce Frisco again and Star Dobson, who I have to say were amazing and wonderfully nice. All the guys who I was privileged to work with were great people. They answered all my questions and were just nice all around. It was a fantastic experience.

After the last day of work was well Sunday the night of the Junos... So me and a couple of the guys took our red carpet passes and walked into the Junos... We got backstage, went to the dressing rooms, and walked down to the stage area where only media could enter or the people who paid 150 for a ticket could enter. I got to see all the bands up close and personal. I got a high five from Chris Martin of Cold play and a hand grab from that Taboo guy from Black Eye Peas. Greatest thing about the experience.... Not only did I get in for free... I was paid to be there.... Life is good.

So that was my junos caper. I had a great time and met great people and make a good impression. The executive producer has my contact information and was impressed with me and said he is going to call me for some work during the summer... So IM pumped.

I only have 2 weeks left of school and then I go home for work term. SO much to do. I'm starting to freak out, LOL. But it's all good.

CBC here I come.... wo0t!

I'm in love with March!!!

This month has been fabulous. The stress and the work load has been tremendous, but I've never been happier!! Going hone every day exhausted but knowing that you've accomplished something is wicked.

So sum up... The car is finally fixed. I had to get 2 new tires AGAIN, but it's working fine now. One of my best friends had a baby girl this week. Her name is Avian Alexis, and I have been given the honor of being her god mother.

Valentines Day was fantastic, Chris got Raven a pink rose, a box of chocolates, and pink balloons. No one has ever done a valentines day event for Raven. She loved it, then he pulled out a card for her that he bought, "To a special Daughter" I nearly cried, it was so perfect, I fell in love with him a million times again that day. He got me a red rose, some pink balloons, a card from Raven with a "World's Best Mom" magnet in it (its my first one and I love it) Chocolate covered pretzels (my favorite) and sour keys and oh yeah he got raven hugging teddy bears. I got him a white rose, hugging monkeys that sing, we got matching utility knives LOL (DORKS.. I needed mine for school and he likes them too) lots of little things that I can't even remember anymore, all I know is that it was hands down the BEST Valentines Day to date.

Also, we celebrated our 2 year anniversary. If feels like longer.. in a good way. All I know is that I'm with someone who I truly love, and I wouldn't trade him for all the tea in China... hmm... or all the chocolate covered pretzels in the Bulk Barn... mmm....bulk barn....

Chris had his 27th birthday on Feb. 28th. I got him an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen with a picture of R2 D2 on it. It said, " Beep Beep 27"

When asked why it said that.. I simply stated that if R2 D2 were saying Happy 27th Birthday... he would say Beep Beep... not necessarily 27... but you get my idea... Chris loved it... that's all that mattered lol.

My Instructor Steve gave us the option of some extra work last week, to which of course I was all for. We had to do a Public Service Announcement (commercial) for the Brain Association of Nova Scotia. We were told if it was good, it may be on air worthy. So Eric (a classmate) and I were asked to Produce and we alternated Directing (we did 4 different takes).

On the last day of shooting, our Instructor came to us and asked if he could put some more pressure on us, which we said "Of Course". Him and Yvonne were so impressed with what we had done, they nominated us for the Broadcast Educators Association of Canada National Student Awards!!!!!!

Which means.... our PSA will be competing with all other schools in the country for the top award. the winning PSA's will be aired on TV next year in an hour long special, and we'd go to Toronto to get the award!!

This is an amazing honor for a first year student. It solidifies my decision to go back to school. To finally be doing something that I'm getting credit for being good at, and having a blast doing it!! I can't believe I'll be paid to do this one day!!

To add the icing to the top of my cake, CBC Sydney contacted me. I'll be working for them all of the month of May!!

I am so happy and excited and happy and excited now.

That'a about it for now.. I promise to update more frequently... ooh ooh .. my Dad and my brother are coming up this weekend, I'm going to Fredericton on Saturday to get my stuff... Wo0t DISHWASHER.. Wo0t BBQ ... ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Anyway, must go and make a lumberjack breakfast for my big love and my little love.

Mmmm February,

Car update, it will be fixed tomorrow. Yep, it took a month to go through all the silly insurance nonsense, oooh the sadness. School is getting crazy and fun, alot of work and not alot of time to do it, I've become very protective of my weekends now.

Saturdays have become the " sit around in your jammys and do nothing" day. Needless to say it is my most favorite and stinky day of the week.

I have to get up off my ass and find a place for storage because I have until April to get a truck and get my stuff from Fredericton, all I hear are cash registers going off in the distance, stupid hopes of winning the lottery.

WHY DO YOU MOCK ME SUPER 7!!

My internship goals have cjanged again. Praticality has set in. I would idealy like to go to Halifax to the CBC, it's where everything happens, and is where I would like to be. Granted I can't afford to pay for gas. It's an hour drive to Halifax from here, 2 hours of gas a day for a month = money I dont have. So logically the place I should go for the month is back home *shudder* back to the island. CBC in Sydney is small, but since it is so small, I would have a chance to do alot. Well, I'm hoping anyway.

So for the month of May I will be going back to Cape Breton, and hopfully (cross my fingers) be working in the CBC Television Station in Sydney.

Why CBC everyone is asking me. Well it is government, and I would like to see a station that our government runs. The CBC is a serious station and that's what I want to do. I want to impact peoples lives and make a difference. With my editing, I hope to accomplish that some day. From the CBC though (yes it is a launching platform for me) I hope to go across the sea to the BBC.

I want to travel, I want to take Raven and Chris and go and let them see the world with me. Chris is all for moving and I think it would be good for Raven. As soon as I finish my second year I'm going to apply. I don't know if they would take someone straight out of school, but some facilities see it as a good thing that I have not developed any "bad habits" yet in the workplace. Here's hoping.

I suppose there is another reason as well. Have you ever felt that you just want to leave and get out of here. Just go and start over. Clean Slate. New car smell and all that.

I want to go to Europe, I want to start fresh. I want to be away from all this and everyone here. I want to be with my family, just us, and get away from the drama, just breathe fresh air and be just us. Not me... my family and chris and raven.

Just us. Truly separate and on our own. Free for a bit. I mean i don't plan on living there for the rest of my life, but, hey you never know, I may fall in love with the place.

Anyway, that's the plan. I'll bring you all back a scone and a leperchaun.

Stuck in the Cape

So I'm trapped in Cape Breton *sad face*
Don't get me wrong, I get home sick like everyone else and want to come home. Then I get here for a week and go out of my mind.

Yet I digress. Let me get you up to speed.

November came and went very quickly. It felt like I had so much to do I would never get caught up, but like it usually is in like, you catch up and everything is fine. I wrote my final tests and passed in all my final reports and projects, then grapped the multitude of presents we had bought this year and headed to... guess..... did you think Cape Breton... WRONG!

We went to Fredericton. yes... I know... opposite direction.

Off to Freddy. We had to go and get Shamus, you can't have xmas and xmas drinking without Shamus, there's a cosmic law somewhere I think.

So 8 hours to Fredericton, ransacked Shamus' office (he wasn't there and we were bored)
and waited... semi patiently.

So we then piled everyone into the car, went to Shamus' to get his pillow case of clothing, and began the drive home. Now in the car Chris rigged up this magical creation that we all dreamed of when we were children. What this magical thing did was allow Shamus and Raven to play Gamecube the whole way home on the portable DVD player in the back.

Gamecube update: Raven kicked Shamus' Ass in Super Mario Smash Bros. 19 - 7.
She was quoted in saying..... Kirby Roxors.

So another 8 hours and we were back home.

Raven had a fantastic Xmas, and that's all that really matters to me. Chris and I did pretty well also.

So for New Years Eve we were going to go to Chris' Mom's cause she was having a party. We had Raven with us and all our stuff, we were going to camp there the night, you know, don't want to be on the road New Years Eve at night with crazy drunk drivers.

Enter crazy sober driver in BROAD DAYLIGHT.

We came offthe highway going to mira road, rate up by the hospital in Sydney. We were stopped, waiting for the traffic flow to ebb so we could go... we were about 1 minute away from Chris' moms.

SLAM

A woman drove into the back of my car! In broad daylight!

MY CAR IS RED !!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE A STOPPED RED CAR IN DAYLIGHT!!

anyway, she goes on to Chris about how this has never happened to her before... blah blah gimme your insurance before i back over you.

Off to the hospital... HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE.

stupid hospital. we were there for about 4 hours. the doctor came in and checked us out, told us to keep an eye on how our necks are feeling and with a big smile and a laugh in his voice he says..

" Now you be prepared *laugh* because you are going to be in some pain tomorrow *laughter* just take some ibuprofene *laugh*'

So I say thank you and whisper choke you arsehole under my breath.

We go back to Chris' moms and my parents are with us now.

The night was great actually, all the kids had fun all the grown ups had fun and we lit off about 300 to 400$ worth of fireworks courtesy of Napolie in Sydney cause the whole family was at the party.

So that is where I am. I'm stuck in Cape Breton with a sore back and a bruised medula oblongata. I have to wait for an adjuster to get back to me wither tomorrow or the next day, then go to the police station and make a report, and then get the car fixed. I'm going to be mising the first part of second semester now, so I'll be behind by the time I get back... yay.

The only thing that is getting me through this is Karma, and I'll explain.

Flash back to accident lady saying, "Oh nothing like this has ever happened to me before "
Reality Check, the lady in question works with Chris' mom and Aunt, and she has already sued like 7 people for "accident related" injuries. She's a scammer... and hopfully shes sweating because if I was a nasty horrible liar like her, I could easily find a wheel chair and claim I can never work again too, and then go to my job and live off her suffering like she has done.

But I am not.

Maybe from this she will learn that it sucks to be put in this situation, and maybe she will stop lying, and taking advantage of other people, especially since she is a nurse and is suppose to be taking care of people not "taking care" of people.

Everything happens for a reason I suppose,

Drive Safe everyone.

I'm in a weird mood today.

I feel like my head is going to explode. I got back to school on Wednesday and was already super behind in work. I had a million things to have finished by tomorrow. 2 tests to boot.

The plastic Surgeon didn't tell me anything new. He said that raven looked fine and he wanted to wait another year. After I voiced my concerns he promised us that at next years appointment in Halifax there will be a decision made as to he is going to operate or not.

I miss my friends. I can't wait until Xmas so I can go home for more than 2 days to see everyone. I want to go for wings and tell silly stories and hang out with everyone.

We got Raven a frog and a red bellied newt for the fish tank, they're kewl.

It's starting to get cold, it's going to snow soon I think. I can't stand it when it gets cold, I'm a need warmth kinda person.

I think I should go study.

Tah!

Let it Snow , Let it Snow , Let it Snow ,

It snowed today. Me and Raven were very excited. It means Christmas is coming and I can't wait. Christmas is my favorite time of year, I love decorating, and shopping for everyone, and just being happy all the time.

I didn't have any classes today so we took Raven to school and went to Walmart. 400 dollars later we had our layaway done there. Then we went to Zellers and 200 dollars later we had another on the go. Needless to say we have all 6 kids bought for, now it's just our parents.

That's really the trick this time of year, buying for the impossible people. Listen guys if someone asks you what you want please just tell them... don't say "nothing" and then get pissy when you get nothing.

Anyway, to backtrack, Pearson was great. I was there for 9 days and I learned sooooo much. I met alot of great people. It was truly undescribable, there aren't words for the experience, and I will carry it with me always. I also got the experience of being an Anchor for a news show.... unbelievable. Steve Murphy... I have so much more respect for him... and I had tonnes before!

A few days ago we had another guest speaker. I got to meet Ron Kronstein. I used to watch him on ASN when I was a teenager, really great guy. I was also able to meet Fonse Jessome. Another great guy.

I will be back on the island for the weekend and a bit of the week. The plastic surgeon I've been waiting to hear from since last year finally got back to me and we have an appointment in North Sydney on Tuesday. So we will surprise everyone and head back tomorrow.

I've been doing alot of volunteer work too for class. I'm helping with the local Kinsman Christmas Miracle. It's kinda like the Christmas Daddies back home.

So I get to do they're switching and hopfully some camera work as well.

So it's getting very busy around here. Chris is doing great, it's so good to have him home. We missed him so much.

Raven's birthday party has been booked again this year at the Mcdonalds. So that is going to be a good time. I can't believe she's going to be 5.

Time flies.

*Knock Knock* Who's there?.......Opportunity.

Well the last few days have had they're ups and downs. I was in TV lab all week helping the second years with they're first major project. How a bunch of people can be so disrespectful and hateful to people who are trying to help and a lot of the time doing they're work for them, is beyond me. Now not all of them, there are 5 that are fantastic and I count myself lucky to know them... The rest can choke.

I will only give one example as this topic enrages me, fellow student and friend of mine stays after class for 8 extra hours to help these people with they're lighting. 8 hours of work he did by himself, while they sat in an adjacent room and watched him. He did not complain, he was not rude, this guy lives to please, he is a fantastic person, he was behind a prop in the back when they called him a retard. What is that now. Why would you do that to someone. Do you want to know they're reasoning? They are in 2nd year, we are in 1st. I don't care if your the queen, if you act like that you are an idiot.

Needless to say, I nearly put 3 people through a cement wall that day, but I did not. I will not burn my bridges. I have not gotten my credibility up enough, in a month when it is well known that they need me.... That's when I will rip off face and spontaneously combustion them with my mind. Until now I grind my teeth.

After that day I did seriously considering if this was the job for me. If this is what the people are like that I'll be working with, I can't do it. Then I realized the truth. They are only the minority. So I went into the class the next day and I felt better.

Yvonne then came up to me (my broadcast journalism prof). Can I talk to you she says, I say of course. After searching for an empty class room she tells me about this amazing opportunity.
The Pearson Peacekeeping Center in Digby (3 hours from Halifax Airport for those that don't know) is doing a sort of "war games" scenario. They need to teach our Canadian Peace Keepers how to deal with the media. Well myself and another student (Tom) were asked to represent our school as the first group of media. Tom and I are to be the news anchors, Dale and Donna are to be camera, and Paul is to be editor. None of us have ever done anything like this. This opportunity is unbelievable and of course I could not turn it down. I will have to leave for 9 days and I will be staying at the military base. My parents offered to watch Raven.

I am so excited about this. This will be my first piece of my portfolio. I'm already researching the base and the faculty. I don't want to go in there as a "first year". I want to wow them. I want them to look at us as what we are training to do.

The future of media.

Wish me luck guys. I will be busy the next few weeks, I have to keep up with my school work as well as this project, but I do know they have computers, so I will try to update from the base.

This is Crystal Mortimer with the CCKC News, have a great weekend Kentville.

Thanksgiving and Cinefoil.

So I took a trip back to the Cape for Turkey Day. The best parts unfortunatley were the drive there and the drive back. Ok I'm being a little harsh, but let me explain. On the drive home it was me and raven and 3 classmates. Now I knew these guys were nice people, I didn't realize how great, funny, wonderful and silly they were.

Sarah we were to drop off at Truro, she lives in Amherst. She is sooo sarcastic in a hilarious way sometimes it great and she has these outbursts sometimes that she doesn't realize she says things out loud... hilarious. Tyler we were taking to Antigonish. He is a very curious person. He is the one who asks ALL the questions and most of the difficult ones that leave the professors going... huh? Alot of people have alot to say about him, mostly they think he's a know it all blah blha blah. He's such a cool guy. He sat back in that car and listened to everyone going on all crazy and laughed with us and we talked about everything. truly truly everything... quick think of something crazy to talk about.................yeah we talked about that. Jenn is from Cape Breton so we were in for the long haul and I don't think we took a breath the whole trip.. the were no gaps in our conversation, we talked about everything. It turns out that a lot of things that I have had to go through my young life and part of my adulthood, jenn is going through now, so it was so fantastic to talk to another person. When I was going through my ordeals, I always wished I had someone who understood, and I was that person for Jen, and it helped me as much as it helped her, shes all around a great person.

Raven was her usual charming little self in which the car immediatly fell in love with.
On a side note I came downstairs the other day to which I spied Raven dancing around the living room singing Wherever I may Roam by Metallica...... my baby girl kicks all your asses.

We got home, Mom was mom... at least she talked to me this trip. She was more focused on Raven as she usually is and the fact Adam was not there, needless to say I felt unnecessary as I usually do when I go home. I think the whole time home the only people that I felt actually wanted to see me was my dad, Chris' Mom, 2 of my best friends, April and Lisa, and yeah... thats it.

So I took Raven to her Nanny Joans on Saturday, she got to see Joan (scotts mom) and Rie (scotts nanny) Raven calls her Oma which is Dutch for grandmother, Rie is from Holland and it is less confusing for Raven. After that me and Raven went for a sleepover at Chris' Moms. I got to See Brenda and Chris; nieces and nephew. Raven and the kids had a blast. What a great bunch of kids. They tell people I'm they're Aunt, sometimes I wish I could steal them away and they could come and live with me and chris.

The next day I went home to mom yelling because I went to Chris' moms for the night, and to spite me she did all the preperation for the turkey dinner even though I made sure to be home at 8 am to do it beacuse I told her I would. She spent the rest fo the day in her room, and Dad was in the kitchen. So I spent all Sunday in the livingroom by myself... wo0t. I did get out for an hour to see Lisa and Joge, but them Mom called and wanted to go play the machines so I wasnt able to go see April and I had to go home.

The next day I planned on going over Aprils before I left but there was a heavy rainfall warning in Hali so we left early. I picked up Jenn in Sydney, picked up Tyler in Antigonish and we headed home. When we got back, we all went to Jungle Jims for food and when we went to leave... FLAT FUCKING TIRE. So in the spilling raven... and i mean spilling, Tyler and me got out, he changed the tire and I emptied the trunck to get the gear and I hobbled them home on my dummy tire.

I did get the tire fixed. Found out that one of my other tires on the other side had a screw in it as well, so they patched it... what the hell is wrong with this place and metal slabs and shit left on the street... FRIGGERS.

So that was my turkey day.

Rage Against The Cinefoil. That was my adventure yesterday.

We had to set up the newsdesk in our television production lab. So we got a little creative and wanted to do some things that hadn't been done in a while. So we got the elipsoid light (long light that looks like a bazooka) and put in a cinefoil... that is a little metal insert that will have a decal on it like the NSCC logo or a pumpkin for halloween that you can project onto a wall or something... we were going to put the nscc on the front of the news desk. Our prof was impressed with our enthusiesm so I was all excited, I mean this is it for me, I love being in tv production im a dork i cant help it, so the cinefoil was upsidedown in the elipsoid, so Cale passed it to me, I picked it up by the handle and for some reason... just for whatever reason didnt think it would be hot, it was only in the light for maybe 2 minutes... well I grabbed it to get the cinefoil out and I felt my 3 fingers burn and kinda melt... really weird feeling... so i dropped it and ran to the bathroom for copious amounts of cold running water. I ended up with a plastic bag filled with ice on my right hand for the rest of the lab. We finished it and it looks good, but I feel like a gimp. The first thing we are taught is to use our gloves and it didn't even cross my mind. Granted I learned the har was... but whatever I guess. I feel like I let my group down and my proff thinks I'm a moron.

Needless to say I was in alot of pain yesterday, but many hours with my hand in freezing water and I'm doing ok. I froze my hand so much that my fingers didn't blister and I'm feeling find today, my fingers are tendwer, but hey... I'm typing this with both hands so it's more than I thought I was going to be able to do yesterday.

So that has been my last few days. Chris and Adam are in Edmonton and they are hoping they will have another contract Monday, if not they may come home. I know they need to work, but I miss Chris so much.

This being an adult thing sucks sometimes... wheres my freakin blankie.

The Caper VS The Shrew.

What is a shrew you may ask... I know people have been asking me all day. The little bejeezers are like a cross between a mole and a mouse or rat. I had one in my apartment for the past 3 days... note the past tense HAD.

Yes, after 3 days of bugs bunny like pandamonium and hijinx I managed to trap the little bugger and I put him in a little cage we had laying around. Now at first I thought I had a mouse problem, but when I was looking at the thing it didnt look like a mouse at all. It had a long snout.. no ears at all it looked like and tiny tiny tiny squinty almost closed eyes and a tiny tail. So I went all over the internet looking at pictures of mice, rats, and moles till i came onto this pic here and I was like... thats it thats the little bugger. The thing about these guys are that they're vicious and they're venomous, and I have a baby.... sooo long and short after a crying game of " I want to keep the mousey he loves me!" with Raven... we drove out to New Minus and we set Mr Mousey free in a field... my good deed done... now I'm waiting for the hole to be patched by my landlord that took pity on the thing by saying to me when I told him what I found, " Ahhh the poor thing had no where to go."

The poor thing had no where to go. The poor vicious venomous thing had no where to go except MY apartment. My wall has a hole in it and there may be more of these things... but first lets feel sorry for it..... GET IN HERE AND PATCH MY WALL YOU HIPPY.

Anyway, besides that school has been going great still, I'm having a blast and learning tonnes. Chris is doing well out west, his contract is up in a week, so him and my brother are going to try to get on with another contract until November. If they can't they will be home a month early and thats fine by me. Me and raven are going home next weekend for Turkey day. A few class mates will be coming for the drive which will be great for the company and the pocket book on gas home.

Got some baking done today as well, made me some banana bread, that will be the last batch for a while... wo0t wo0t it's apple season. I will be apple pieing it up soon, hmm maybe I should make a few and take them home for turkey day..... I think i will do that.

I found out as well this week that one of my best friends is pregnant with her third, she asked me to be the god mother which I was more than thrilled to accept. Chris made the comment yesterday that he's been thinking about kids alot in the past few months and wants to sit and talk about when we're going to try. He does know though that it wont be for at least 2 years yet.

Granted Raven asked for a baby brother and a baby sister for xmas again... they have to be named Shamus.

All in all its been a great month in the valley so far. Raven is asleep on the couch, the scent of banana bread in the air, and the promis of turkey on the weekend.

.... life is good

Helplessness....

Raven has the Croup. I have to sit here, and watch her struggle for breath and take coughing fits. She is usually so energetic and all she's been doing today is laying down and sleeping. I had to plead with her to eat half a bowl of soup. I lost the wallet that had the birth certificates and medicare cards. I don't even know where the hospital is around here, not that they would do anything. I took care of her fever and I know the Croup is viral, they won't give antibiotics for it, there's no point. Depending on how bad this is I will probably miss all next week of classes, I'm going to be so far behind.

2 steps forward and 3 back.

Chris left on Wednesday. We miss him.

Schol is going great though. My Broadcast journalism professor is Yvonne Colbert from live at 5. She's a fantastic prof and lady. My other 2 profs are fantastic, they know they're stuff and know it well. In my first 2 weeks of class I have finished my promo for the radio station I'll be working on and also my first tv production. Not bad for the first 2 weeks.

I hope Raven gets better soon. I hate to see her this way.

I miss my friends. I was in a class the other day and went to Lisas page with all the pics of everyone. I almost started crying in class, I miss the crazy bastards.

Holding my breath until November.

And then there was Dial up ?

Yeah I know I said a dirty word, I finally get my internet back and its dial up... for now anyways.
It was suppose to be hooked up on August 29th... my DSL high speed. But oh no, I got punted... yes PUNTED for a week. Then Chris came home and threw a fit on the phone. I almost felt sorry for Aliant... almost. Not only did he get us free dial up until the slackers fix our dsl on the 13th, but we get 60 bucks off our next bill. That is why I'm going to marry this man.

He gots some skills! :)

So the adventure to Kentville began on the 29th. Actually the 28th when I almost didnt get my truck... meh long story. Anyway spent the night with my uncles and my Dad and Lisa packign up the truck, then me and Lisa went to her place and drank. Up early the next day , needless to say I had more crap than I first thought and we filled the truck, so Fredericton weas out of the question. Dave stayed home since he didn't want to come anyways, and Me, my Dad, Chris' Dad Francis and Raven, all drove to the valley.

We spent until the wee hours unloading the thing and crashed. The next day we unloaded abotu 12 boxes and then my dad and francis headed out, me and raven were on our own.

FINALLY FREE

The next week was running around, changing addresses, paying bills and blah blah blah.. and groceries... oh yeah and baking cause Chris was to come home that Saturday.

I have made record time to the Halifax Airport.

I have never missed anyone in my entire exsistence as muxh as I missed him, and Raven was soooo excited. He brought me home a cowboy bayooo like hat and Raven a stuffed elephant that she named... Lumpys baby brother.

So Chris is home for another week, we're heading back to the cape for the weekend, and then he's gone for 2 months and I'm going to lose my mind. After that though he will be home for a while, so it's good. Short term loss for long term gain.

I wasn't pregnant btw, found that out the natural way. All of a sudden though people are telling me that I should be or to get pregnant soon. They're freaking me out. Raven asked for a baby brother and a baby sister for xmas..... but she also wants a flying bunny and pink drums... i said maybe to the drums.

anyway, school is going good so far, raven is having a blast. All is well in the valley.

Now if I could just get rid of the poop smell.

Been a while between posts I know.

I don't feel well anymore.

I have a lung infection and I'm on antibiotics.
I miss Chris so bad. The first day they were in Edmonton they all got jobs.

They are with a company called Double R Drilling. They have been posted in Monkman, BC.
They have to climb mountains everyday, and they fly in a helicopter everyday.

I've spoken to them once since they got there for 3 minutes. There are no phones. All they have is my brothers cell phone. They are in the rockies so there is no signal. They have to get a guy to drive them far down the road to try to call and that hasn't been working. We see my brothers number on the phone pick it up... and only get static until the signal drops. So all we know is someone is trying to call us. I heard my brothers voice once. He was yelling Hello. I cried for an hour after that. I miss them so much.

I feel like I'm half a person.

I've focusing on raven as much as humanly possible. It's getting to the point where shes telling me to go away for a while lol. It's not easy when she wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me she misses Chris. I miss him too, I say to her. Yeah, I know you do, is her response.

I wonder if he misses us as much as we miss him.

I've been trying to pack.

I have so much crap I don't need or want anymore. I've been bagging alot and throwing it out.
I have my bathroom and Raven's room packed. Half my living room is done. I don't want to cut off the phone yet because then Chris won't have anyway to try to call me. He gets to come home for a week at the end of the month. I can't wait for him to come home.

I feel sick to my stomach all the time. My mom thinks I have walking pneumonia or lung cancer. I keep telling her to stop being so positive all the time. I don't think I'm pregnant, I had a period last month, but, I don't know.

Scott keeps calling me. Bugging me to sign the separation agreement. I know he's doing it because he knows that Chris is gone. Keeps bugging me about my last name. How can you been SOOO wrong at the judge of someone you were with for almost 10 years.

I miss Chris.

He wants me to make him a cheesecake for when he comes home. I'll have to find out where everything is in Kentville and New Minas. I hope these 3 months go by fast so he can just stay with us and not have to go out west anymore. I hope he's ok. I hope he's having fun.

I hope.

Keep 'Er Goin ...

So the expedition began on Thursday. Chris, Adam and Jon set out in Adams car and headed to the great "out west" that everyone goes on about. As of yesterday they were still in Ontario. My brother got drunk at Chris' fathers (where they crashed for they're one and only night of real rest) and was hung over all the next day, meh, so they lost a day, but they're optimistic and are having fun.

Raven keeps playing games where she is flying in airplanes or riding horses and she goes to find Chris. He calls everyday to talk to me and her and tells her that he's coming home really soon and he'll meet her at the new house in Kentville. I can't wait to move. I love my new apartment.

I hope they will be ok in Grand prairie. They will be 6 hours from Edmonton and that's where Chris' sister Amy is. I miss Chris a lot.

I've been keeping myself busy with idiotic computer games and cleaning. Raven and I have been going on daily adventures to find things to do. Today we are going to Dominion to ride on Ponies and tonight is the fireworks, so we'll go there tonight.

I think I'm going to start another webpage that is only pictures and put a link to it on this page.

Yeah that should keep me bust for a while.

Latest breaking news......

Chris is leaving in 10 days. There are 4 of them going up. My brother and his friend, chris and his sisters boyfriend. We're going to Kentville on Tuesday to find an apartment. We have about 6 hours to find a place to live, Chris is worried, I know from personal experience that it's totally do-able. So needless to say I'm stressed about getting through August with bills and everything.

Reason being I quit my job last week. I went to HRDC like they told me to and my councilor is on vacation for 3 WEEKS!! So I have nothing, they didn't even send out my ROE, and I have to get that before I apply for EI and my councilor still has to apply me for assistance to go to school. What was that you ask? That was the sound of my head exploding.

Raven is sick, so is Chris.

We got a call last week that one of Chris' best friends is in the hospital with Hodgkins Disease (cancer). So after we get the apartment we're going straight to Hali to the Qe2 to see Iain..everyone is devastated, one of those things no one wants to see happen, especially in this group of friends.

Here is the scenario. There are 6 boys that all grow up in the same section of Sydney like 100 feet from the tar ponds. Boy 1 : mother has thyroid removed due to cancer. Boy 2 : Mother dies from cancer. Boy 3 : Mother loses both breasts to breast cancer. Boy 4 : Diagnosed with Hodgkins disease. That leaves 2 of six without immediate family cancer.... yet.

I find it hard to believe that there are environmentalists and scientists that were sent here by the gov a few years back still seem to make the claim that the tar pond holds no threat of illness to local residents. Because from the paragraph that I just wrote... I find that just ridiculously coincidental. 6 friends, all together in same area, 4 families struck with cancer. Glad the tar ponds had nothing to do with that.

that's my rant on that.

My brush with the rich and famous..... Boy 3 in my previous story... his family is selling the family home, we went to his house in Sydney to see them off. We walked upstairs to where he was suppose to be and who do we literally walk into... Richard Hatch from Survivor 1.

I was like... that guy looks familiar. Chris is like... hey that's Survivors Richard Hatch.

He was very nice, didn't make a big deal over anything really, let the family get they're pics taken with him, he was very down to earth. And Raven had to pee and got to use his bathroom. So there's a story for her.

Got to go to a party last night with a bunch of friends that I hadn't seen in a while. It was a great time and I got a lot of pics and film, it's my last time I'll be seeing them for a while I'd imagine.

I'm going to miss a lot of people around here.

What does the future hold?

Good question huh.

I think Chris is leaving. Only for a little while.

Stupid Alberta.

Chris has a chance at a job out in the camps on the rigs. The money is too good to turn down.
We're going to find out for sure what has to happen or be done to make is a guarenteed job.

Only a few months has become my new mantra.

I'm really scared to be without him. I'm going to miss him soooo much.

Only a few months.

Pivital Moments.

You know what I'm talking about. Those memories you have in your head that come to mind sometimes and make you smile. You're first kiss, the first time you rode your bike alone, the first time you took your parents car out to shoot the drag 10 minutes after you got your liscense.

The first, your firsts.

Not only did I experience one for myself today but I was a part of one.
Today I taught my daughter how to swim.

I remember my mom trying to teach me how to swim when I was a kid, it didn't work mind you, she can't swim. What I remember is her putting aside her fear of the water in all places Dominion beach and trying to teach her child how to swim. I did learn, years later, but I can't remember exactly when, but I do remember her trying.

Today I hope will be a memory in my daughters head like that. Of her in her fish floatie and her mom in that ugly green bathing suit. It's very odd.... something so small to many people I'd imagine, and I have such a sense of profound purpose, like I did something big today.

I'm very happy.. and calm for one split second this week, I think the calmness stuck me quite litterally with a splash of water hitting my face, as my baby paddled away from me across the pool.

I haven't cried for joy in a long time.
he-he who've thunk I'd love being a mom this much.

Another day, another year older.

Well this month I turned another year older... again...

28 years so far, and still kicking it old school =)
I had to work on my b-day but i had a few days off before so it was good.
Had my favorite Bday cake, and got some nice gifts, and had breakfast made for me.
It was nice, and chris gave me one of the nicest presents I ever received.

He gave me a day at the spa, I went on Tuesday for 3 hours and actually had people wait on me.
It was weird at first, but I got use to it fast. Then I left with a french manicure, pedicure, facial and my hair done. Chrsi took the baby all day and they spent it at the park and they fed the ducks, so all had a great day .

Yesterday we went to the circus. Hincheys is in town as is the yearly custom. We went in and what do you know... everyday is braclet day now. So 18$ late Raven has her lime green braclet and is heading for the "circus wheel". This is the big ride she has been going on about all year. The ferris wheel... momys nightmare. I hate heights!!!!

Chris to the rescue. Chris becomes the serrogate rider. First it's the ferris wheel, then the big slide, the tilt a whirl, the spider, the berries, the ferris wheel again. 2 hours into it, Chris' mom came to get her wallet which was in our car and brought his 2 nieces. So we stole them and got them braclets too. Repeat the prevoius rides, add raiders of the lost arc...mini raiders space ships, merry go round... and well... you get my point.

6 hours at the circus in total, we got home at about 1030pm and Raven passed out before her head hit the pillow.

Unfortunatley we woke up to her vomiting all over the place. The flu has come once again. So for most of the morning we were chasing the baby with the bucket, but, after a nap, she's eating a little and playing. I'm thinking it was a 24 hour bug.

My book is once again progressing. For some who know me, for the last few years I have been compiling information to write a childrens book. Once again I have started writing since all my earlier stuff has gone missing in the move.

Updates will be posted of course :P

Getting excited about school, me and Jamie are going to be scholar nerds,,,, oooh btw Jame is you read this go looking for some school girl outfits and I'll check the mayflower cause the will totally be my first day outfit lol.

Ugh my .... face Update

After 4 hours in outpatients (not bad really I thought i would be there all night)
I have an inflamed lung and mild bronchitis. So they put the oxygen mask on me for a while and now I'm on a puffer for 6 weeks.

Thanks Spiegel!!

Ugh my.... face.

What a night at work. First the calls are idiotic to begin with, then a popup on my screen saying the crapateria is now closed for the duration of the day, maintenance on the floor. Good enough, a little noise from the waxer I figure.

Hmm... what's that smell? I think to myself while I'm on a call. *scratchy throat* What is it? *face itchy* Oh no *flesh burning * I stand up and race to bathroom *throat closing over*

They decided to use some chemicals to strip the floors and sent out no notice to people who are allergic to chemicals. Now yes I am one of those annoying people who have allergies to perfumes and chemicals, I'm sorry they make my throat close over and cause death unto me.

After my eyes burning and my crawling to find a supervisor and explaining in rapid gestures i cant breathe and im going to faint and then die if i dont leave, they generously let me go home... and dock me the hours on my pay. After 10 minutes of vomiting beside my car again, in a showing of great caring, they let Chris leave as well so I dont kill myself trying to drive home with my blind eyes. Of course docked the hours of pay.

Now... if I brought a peanut into that building, alarms sound, the navy come down through the skylights and fucking ninjas jump out of hidden passagways to stop me. How is this fair? Stupid peanuts.

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling like I was hit by a truck. My throat and ears are killing me but my doctor isnt in today cause it's the queens birthday.. woopty doo. I'm going to have to call in I guess and find out if you can still smell the chemicals cause Im not going through that again, you know when I leave there im going to take in a jar of peanuts and just throw them everywhere. Yeah, peanuts and .... GLITTER. Don't make faces, have you ever tried to get glitter off of yourself? Not fun my friend.

*evil grin* Glitter shall be my revenge..... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Are you threatening me Master Jedi?

Being a Star Wars geek myself I felt it very necessary to be in the line up last night for the first showing of the movie at 12:01 am. Worth every agonizing second of being in line with kids that were born around the time the Matrix came out. Damn Halifax pretensious, and I apologize to anyone from Halifax but it's true.

There were 4 fedoras in the lineup... sigh .. all be it for me to make fun of someone's head gear, but I digress. I am not here today to poke at the little people I am here to exclaim very loudly in caps lock...

THE MOVIE WAS FRIGGIN GREAT, FANTASTICAL AND WORTHY OF GOLD BITS AND ALL GOOD THINGS THAT I CAN THINK OF, I HAVENT HAD MY COFFEE YET, BUT IT WAS GREAT.

I may go on without knowledge of what I'm saying for a bit so if you haven't seen the greatness that is Star Wars Episode III, here is my disclaimer... SPOILER ALERT.

Even the most prickish of critics are giving this film great reviews, although today they are picking apart the dialogue. Hello... Lucas is an editor and Director, he has admitted himself he is no writer. Why does some of the dialogue seem campy? Cause it's suppose to be yah tard.

As soon as it starts you're in the middle of the war, there is not time to ponder what happened in the last movie, you're there and there's explosions and the wooshing and the *peeew peeew* of the lasers and the fun.

The movie sums up the span of approximately 10 months and in that time frame is when you see Anakin go to Vader which is friggin flawless. Wonderful acting, great effects, homages to A New Hope, just beautiful.

The very last seen actually brought a tear to my eye and a nod of approval. Owen, Veru and a new born Luke, standing in the sunset on Tatooine in the same place you see an older Luke staning in A New Hope. If you haven't seen this you have to see it in the big screen. A requirement by Star Wars Law. You owe this to yourself.

I admit and have no quams with my dorkism and my going ons about this may be lame to some, but this was a phenomenon for me. Anyway go see the movie and leave me alone :P

Next on my check list for this year: Batman Begins , War of the Worlds, Goblet of Fire and for Xmas...... NARNIA BABY WOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Thus ends my rant.

Star wars..wooooooooooooo.

Bad week.

It's just that time I suppose. When you get to a point when everything is great and happy and happy and happy, and then something happens and you're like yeah that sucks, and then something else happens and you're like...crap...and then it doesn't stop and you start to think that nothing will ever go right again. Yes, I having one of those weeks, we all are.

First we find out that Chris' grandmother is sick and everyone is concerned. That night we find out she passed away. The whole family was crushed. The week was spent going back and forth to Sydney, lots of hugs, confusion by some, condolenses, food, a few laughs and memories. Alot of cleaning ensued, and then the funeral and buriel. You know how it goes, it's like a blur because you mind is so jumbled. A few days before the funeral we had to make a trip to Halifax so Chris could have his second interview with Michlin. That went well, Chris was happy, he did the very best he could and I was happy as well. We drove home and then the funeral was on Friday. So the day sucked to say the least... later that afternoon we get a letter from Michlin saying Chris didn't get the job. He was once again crushed.

We had a little panic attack of course. Oh my god what are we going to do, can we go to Kentville now? How will we pay for everything? what are we going to do? I can't go to school now? Where will I work? Oh no Oh no Oh no.

The verdic was mine to enforce. I will not let Michlin fuck up my return to school so we can all have a better life. So that was that. We'll do whatever we have to and everything will be fine.

So a little depression is going on I guess. We're through the worse of it. Trying to organize now. I have to go to manpower and see if the government will help. Jamie sent me an email with all these scholorships and bursaries that I've been going through and hopefully I can find one to help. Student Loans of course I will have to pursuede to help me out, lol, they hate me.

Through the slump, got to move forward. Go to work, go to manpower, go to student loans.
Ask for help more often, move away , go to school, do my best, get a job, love my family.

And they lived happily ever after.

Bastard Assed Kids.

I never thought I's ever say it, never ever ever, but here goes.... What the hell is wrong with kids today. I mean I was a bugger when I was young but ( and i feel old saying this ) NO RESPECT DAMMIT!

Picture it, Glace Bay 2005. It was a Monday, 5 days before easter. I wake up to take my mother to work and find my drivers side front and back tire slashed. I lost my mind to say the least and I also lost 180$ out of it. That may not seem like alot to many people, but for a single mother getting no child support rate before easter ITS YOUR FRIGGIN EASTER MONEY ! so I creid, Chris wanted to run around the neighbourhood with the samari sword I got him for his B-day adn do some disaplinininin. Needless to say I could'nt get Raven what i wanted to get her ( a dora the explorer bike..her first 2 wheeler) So me and chris got some money together and got her the other thing she wanted for easter more than life itself...a pet. Now what pops in your head.. a puppy? a kitten perhaps... nay what my daughter wanted and people who know me will be like...yeah thats your kid alright... wanted a crab. In the mall is a crab shack as most know and my daughter is obsessed with them, she loves them. Chris and I went in and got her the xlarge starter kit and 2 crabs, transported them home and with ninja style and grace got them ina nd set them up without her knowledge and then all in awe she came out and saw what the easter bunny had left her early. Easter was a success and my daughter is happy, so I'm happy. That's not to say I wouldn't be happier with a hoodlums head to smack but meh...what can you do.

Other than that fiasco I received a letter from the university about locals that are renting apartments and houses to students.

Work is work of course, sometimes though I think I would prefer a shotgun to the face than go there. Yeah I know thats harsh, here is some more examples of what I go through everyday:

Customer: I can't remember if I placed an order last week or not. Even so, I haven't received it and I want to know where the hell it is.

Me: *blink blink * (and after checking the system she hadn't placed an order with us since 99)
*informs customer she hasnt placed an order since 99

Customer *click.... dial tone*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer (in middle of an order): Where are you located?

Me: I'm in Eastern Canada.

Customer: No you're not.

Me: umm, yes...yes I am

Customer: *pissed off for some reason* Don't lie to me. My niece lives in Canada and I know what a Canadian sounds like and you are not one of them.

Me: Ummm, I'm really sorry to argue with you ma'am but I know where I'm located and I do live in Eastern Canada.

Customer: Fine then *yelling* if you ARE canadian then which side of the Ontario bridge do you live on.

Me: *blink blink*
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The Day Before Easter

Customer: I want to order a dress for my wife for easter.

my brother: ok (places the order) Now I should tell you that we have no overnight delivery to have that there for easter.

Customer: *laughing* When do you think easter is son?

my brother: it;s tomorrow

Customer: *laughing hysterically* I don't know where you are boy, but we ce;ebrate easter the 3rd week of April here.

my brother: *twitch* Sir, have you looked at a calendar?

Customer: *getting miffed* yes of course

my brother: a 2005 calendar?

Customer: *irate* Listen buddy, I don't know how you people in Canada do things, but here is the USA we celebrate easter the end of April, so stop trying to convince me that's it's tomorrow when I know it's not!!

my brother: fine, FINE sir, yes you will get it in time for easter because you're easter is in April. (hangs up on the customer)
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So this is what we do everyday, some people I suppose. It's sad when te only break you get at work is when a pervert calls you.

Anyways, good news is that Chris has another interview at Michlin on the 12th of April. Hopefully they will hire him on and then we can leave sooner than we planned. I'm really excited.

News flash on the home front, courtesy of Chris' da, we have a brand new computer and moniter and web cam. wo0t

1 year down.

In the last couple of week I've hit some milestones. Me and Chris had our first Valentines..aaaawwwww yeah cram it!! AND on the 17th we had our 1 year anniversary. Kinda surprising to me actually, it hasn't seemed like a year, yet I can't imagine not being with him. It's odd, but in the best possible way ever. Unfortunatly it was the most UN romantic time ever, we spen valentines and our anniversary at work until 3 am, and it was bad pay week because of all the blizzards, i got him 2 tee shirts ( one says hoser and the other is a monkey in a sherrifs hat that says via bananas..) haha...bananas. I got a 5 dollar pair of cords with about 67 pockets in it...they're awesome and another pair of jeans. lol we rock.

So in 2 days s his birthday which I promised myself would not flop.....and then i get my schedule and I have to work until 3am....well at least he gets the day off. Anyway, I go into Dairy Queen tomorrow to get his borthday cake, I got him an ice cream cake with Spiderman on it. ALSO ANYONE READING THIS!!! Starting tomorrow on the advertisement chanel (13.... the one for selling houses and birthday stuff) I put a birthday greeting to Chris with 2 pictures that he's going to kill me over. So you have to go and watch them so my death will not be in vain. They'll be on from the 27th to the 29th.....MWAHAHAHA and what not.

Along with the overwheling embarrasment I'm giving him for his birthday and the spiderman cake, I got him a duplicate of Tom Cruises Samari Sword in The Last Samari (plus I got me a Luck Cat ;) ) A bed in a bag which turned out to be a comforter and I had to take it back for an exchange, and some clothes. Tomorrow Im making him his birthday supper (Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad With Grilled Chicken Fettuchini Alfredo) and then we're going to go and see Constantine. All and all I think I hope and I hope some more that it will be a good day for him....hmmm i could have sworn I got him other stuff....I cant remember... my old feeble mind... crap my birthday is coming up too.... I'm a feeb..... a foolish FEEEEEEB.

I wish I could tell you where that came from...anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend.. remember..

CHANEL 13.

Coasting....

This sounded like a new thing to me the other day. The question was posed, "Want to go coasting?" Suuuuuuure was the response. Aparently it's a "sydney" word! What I found out was that it means sledding. Anyway, so yes I'm a slow person I suppose, I've never heard the term before.

So me and Chris and Raven go to Hospital St in Sydney where the old hospital used to be, well they made a long track and put a big jump and a little jump. It was a big hill and I was nervous about the baby. Be that as it may, she jumped on her sled and took off like a shot...hitting both jumps and launching herself into the air.... she had a blast. With minimal wipe outs (and no crying surprisingly) she had a great adventure, she even loved the falls, so we are going to go out next week too on our days off.

My adventure for the day was my first meeting with my lawyer about the divorce proceedings. He seems like a very nice man and he gave me a layout of what needs to be done and the best part is that it will be at no cost to me, he is going to take care of it along with legal aid. So good news is that I may have this divorce finished and behind me before I go to school in September. If the worse happens it will take a year or more.

Regardless, it has been a good week, sorry this is a short post but i have to go to work, yay work.

So Christmas came and went without incident.

Raven had a fantastic time, and she got everything she could possibly want. Her father did not come home and sent no presents for xmas or birthday. Then we received a package last week, he sent them the 10th of january, better late than never is what people are telling me, I kind of wish he hadn't sent anything at all, the least you can do is send your own child her presents on time, but again, shes 4 and doesn't really realize anything is wrong.

New Years was great, I was actually taken out. I have never been out for New Years. I was able to get a babysitter and Chris got us tickets to Bunkers. Slowcoaster and Rock Ranger was playin. I got to meet Chris' friend Iain and Shamus came with us too. The great thing about it is I got to see alot of peole I hadn't seen since High School. The lead singer of Slowcoaster use to be a good friend of mine back in the day. Steve is doing well now, he said he's travelling all the time which is ok, but he misses his wife and his kids, he has 2 boys now, it was so good to see him again, he's one of the genuinly nice people that you so tend to meet these days.

While I was talkin to Steve, who walks up the stairs but Little Jay... or thats what i use to call him in High School. Just this little guy back then with a brush cut, very quiet. He's doing well too, it was good to see them both, Jay as I was saying is the lead singer for Rock Ranger. They were great as well, and little Jay... well he is certainly gotten over his shyness, it was funny watching them both... Steve and Jay. I felt so proud of them. They stuck with it you know. We were all in bands back in the day. We all wanted to be rock stars. I became a mom and gave it all up... but to watch them... still going, doing what I always dreamed of doing. I was so proud of them, it was like spending a night in a perpetual flashback, of jamming and playing shows together, and being with old friends, and feeling invincible.

It was nice.

But back to work, and back to everyday. I received my final letter of confirmation from the university, I'm in and I sent them my 100$ seat fee. Raven was accepted to the campus day care as well. So I'm going to have to start looking into assistance for loans and what not, then its find an apartment and move...yay.

I also went to Legal Aid to see if I qualified. They haven't gotten back to me so I suppose they are going to try to say I make too much money, which is laughable. A single mom getting no child support... yeah I'm rolling in it.
Anyway, my ex is saying I owe him almost 4500$ for a credit card that we aparently used for furniture and car repairs. Furniture I haven't seen in 2 years, and a car I haven't been in in 2 years. Anyway, I need to find a lawyer to see what my rights are, I mean maybe I should give him money I don't know, but I mean I already gave him 3000$ and he hasn't paid any child support in 2 years.... I really don't know what to do, I need legal council soon.

Raven has that flu now as well, which is absolutley horrible. I took her to the doctors and he gave her 2 puffers and some antibiotics, and since I have no medical, it was a nice 60$ bill. Things will look up soon though, I believe that.

I have to.

Where are you January?

Hey guys and Happy Yule. Tis the season as they say, for family, friends, and STRESS STRESS STRESS!

Stupid holidays. Christmas spirit...umm... what the hell is that?
hehe yeah yeah I know its not that bad, I'm appreciating the holidays more than I used to now because of Raven, and she's really excited. Her father isn't coming home now to see her which sucks for her, she was really looking forward to seeing him, and what does he do but tell her he's not coming home..... she's 4.... yeah that went over well. Had a day and a half of her peeing in her pants, she's still upset, she keeps asking me if her daddy fixed the car to come home yet... breaks my heart.

Anyway, finally got all the shopping done thank god.... please... if anyone wants to blow up the mall and is having second "holiday cheer" thoughts... go for it... I give you permission.

Quote from american at work today," I'm not going to wish you a merry christmas because I know you had that long ago. Yeah a month ago was our thanksgiving and you had it a month before that so I guess I'll just say happy 2005."

OMFG..... Do they have schools in America? I thought they did.... oooh yeah... the caniadian jesus was born on a different day than that american jesus... yeah he drinks beer and curses too... I mean really, is there any excuse for that????? Also a side quote..." the item number is 158 Q as in Cubic..." Nuf said.

So yes back to presents, I gave Chris his already since he tracked me down in the mall when I specifically told him to go away for 45 minutes so I could shop for him.... he said he needed to know my size.... but we all know about guys and they're uncontrollable urge to peak at things.... so he found me inthe surround sound section of the mall and i was like .." yeah ok pick the one you want since you know what I'm getting you.. lol"

So he got his 500watt dvd surround sound system, complete with Spiderman 1 and 2 for Xmas... remember puss in boots in Shrek 2... the eyes... yeah thats what he was like when we turned it on..... it's been 4 days and he's still giggling, lol I love him to the mooooooon.

Also he gave me a few of my gifts, I was having a really bad day last week and he waited for me after work and in the car he pulled a diamond out of his pocket, "please smile I don't want to see you having a bad day." I was kinda shocked, I didn't expect it at all, still don't know wether to laugh or cry when I think about it, anyway, it's a beautiful ring and I love it and him very much. So even with just that I'm set for xmas, both of my loves are happy.

We also went into good ol' channel 10 today to put Ravens picture on the television for xmas eve, so all you reading, look for my baby girl on channel 10 this week for her 4th birthday.

Also, finally had my little yule get together that USE to be an annual event with me, this was the first year in too long, we had friends over, and I had the whiskey a flowin, all in all it was good times with good people.

Wish it would snow now.

To be honest I feel better now than I did when I first started writing this, I suppose that is truly what this page is for, now all I have to do is get through xmas eve and all the running around I have to do....ARGH.

But I get to meet Chris' dad on Thursday, which will be cool, I hope he likes me and Raven.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great holiday and New Year, I know I will.

College Bound.

yep, that's right, they're letting me back into college, which scientifically speaking, the greatness level on this = very yes.

Benefit/Negative. Have to move.

Benefit: If i dont move soon i will attack and strangle my mom i think.
Negative: all my familly is here and it will suck to be away from everyone in the long run.... I'm a sap and yes I will miss everyone.

Where is the move to you may or may not be wondering. Kentville , Nova Scotia..... umm...woo?
Regardless, Kingstec College and I finally get to take what I want: Radio and Television Broadcasting. I can't wait, I will finally have a job I can support my family on, finally have something I love to do.

So me and Chris and Raven will be moving to the Valley. I hop it's nice down there, and plus we will be close to alot of our friends that have moved to Truro and also to the valley. So if you guys are reading this, Simms, Meaghan, Bob, Morgan, Vickers, Chillis and Sue..... be afraid..... !!

Work is beyond hectic, we are on a mandatory overtime schedule, which means 6 days a week no compromises. Granted it's great for the money, but, I'm falling behind in ALL my chores around the house, plus I miss Raven.

Fun news, Raven's birthday party is going to be next saturday, its going to be a blast, I hope she has fun, it's going to be at Mcdonalds.... super size super size the american dream.... dammit that song can get stuck in your head, great movie if you want to give up Mcdonalds btw.. " super size me"

Anyway, xmas is getting close, almost time to decorate me thinks, already painted the livingroom... so yeah... will have to decorate on the next day off.