My Life In A Cube.

Yes yes, as you can tell from the title this is a piss and moan entry... deal.

I live in a grey cube. I go to work for 10 or 11 hours a day and live in a grey fucking cube.
Lets do an inventory shall we :

chair --> possible the most uncomfortable chair in exsistence..although I cannot prove it. I have only sat in a few.

computer --> dusty.... in training mode which means they wont even let you change the desktop background.... im sure if i look they will have a pair of saftey scissors and some glitter and paste around here somewhere.

cube: grey... although... there are pen marks... i think they're pen marks randomly around the walls.... i count them sometimes...

my cigarettes: .. man I have to quit....

and thats really it... oh yeah.. some orange and green streamers that are draped over te edge of my cube... i guess they're trying to boost morale... not working.

I was told the other day to suck it up, to deal, live with it. Why though. Why should we HAVE to deal with it, everyone is entitled to something better aren't they?

Guess this place is just getting to me. I sit here and wonder what my daughter is doing, if she's having fun, if she misses me.

Just sick and tired of being sick and tired .

Meltdown.

Have you ever had those weeks where you just have a brain meltdown. You've been bombarded with so many questions that you either don't want to answer or you just plain have no answer to.

Alot of things have been happening. Work has gotten progressivley unstable, and it couldn't have happened at a worse time. We bought a car a week ago, we were going to get the Sunfire, but we decided in a last move of ; " uh oh what if we're buying a lemon" state of panic and went to an actual dealership; Kia.

In a twist of utter shocking actuality, we received a better deal, they saved us 300$ a month, gave us an unbelievable warranty, paid for our plates, AND we got to drive the car off the lot with 42KM on it. Raven picked the color: Cherry Red.

So, me and Chris being all proud and happy of our luck. Feeling all grown up. Got to work and received a letter:

Dear so-and-so,

We are pleased to announce....... new contract........ unfortunatly pay cut.......sign or be terminated....... no chance for EI........ have a nice day.

After a few minutes of stunned silence the entire establishment erupted. I was loosing a dollar an hour, Chris was loosing 1.25. Some may say yeah big deal...a dollar. Well for me who has a daughter and is receiving no child support or help from her father, AND we JUST BOUGHT a new car.... that money is needed and appreciated. Not to be though. A week passed and after several good-byes to many of my friends who had worked with me for so long, they left. Many people threatened with suits and yelled of the unfairness. The truth of the matter is alot of us can't afford to not be here. So I signed the letter, took my pay cut, and am here at work as usual.

Other than that unpleasentness, It's been not that bad really. With access to the car, the three of us have been able to go to the park, have picnics, and go to the beach whenever we want. It's been ok. The family is moving on with the loss of Mikey, we all miss him, and are trying to cope. All our support now is with the living, making sure his family is ok.

So other than the unstability of my job, the termoil everywhere else... I get to go home to my beautiful little girl who wakes me up every morning with, " Good morning Mommy, did you have good sleeps?" and roll over and kiss my love on the cheek.

the only thing I keep saying in my head is, "Keep on, keeping on."

Mikey.

My uncle Mikey. There are not enough people in the world like him. No matter how bad he's feeling, and I mean BAD, it's never about him, he's always concerned about you, and always has a smile on his face. When I was little (4 or 5) my family use to get together at my grandmothers house for New Years, and every year I was left home with a sitter (Mikeys daughter JoAnne). Every year he would come over and pick me up so I was eye to eye with him and say, "Do you want to go to the party with me and show those people how to have fun?" And every year I was there, no matter what my parents said or other relatives said. Uncle Mikey said I could was a common phrase.

He would dress up every xmas as Santa Claus and come over to my house. Just so me and my brother could believe in Santa for a little bit longer than other kids, the last few years he dressed up like Santa for my daughter, and bought her toys and treated her like she was his own grandchild. I'm a better person for knowing my Uncle Mikey.

And now he's gone.

Michael Fabian Haley passed away August 1, 2004 at 4:05pm. He died in his sleep, with his wife and his daughter (my cousin JoAnne) at his side. I loved my Uncle Mikey so much that this is almost too hard to write about. But all I keep thinking about is everything I learned from him, and how I want to be someones aunt someday... and do the things for them that he did for me.

And with that said I said my goodbyes in the graveyard today, and here I say goodbye with this little bit from "A Tout Le Monde" by Megadeth.

A tout le monde
A tout mes amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free.