Last Day At Work.

I'm sitting here on top of my desk looking around at everyone on my floor. I can't help but think about the last year here. My God, a year already.

It's funny, there are 2 mind types around here today; The ones that are going about today as any other day. Asking me the same questions about the same issues. I can't help but smile. As much as they sometimes annoy me with they're lack of ability to retain knowledge, I'm going to miss them. Type 2 are going on about what they are going to do on their last call tonight and who they're going to tell off. I'm going to miss them as well, generally they are the ones that make me laugh and joke around all the time.

It's weird. I have this sense of accomplishment and loss. I don't think alot realize it, but, if we all do get our jobs back, It'll never be like this again. I hope they all do well after here; the goofballs, the serious, the arseholes, and the timid ones. I can't help but wonder where everyone will be next year.

If you can't tell I'm in a contemplative mood. As I have been of late. Yesterday I had to go to Mabou Gardens to pick up my father from work. He called saying he was stuck at the office and to wait for him to get there, he arrived 55 minutes later. I thoroughly enjoyed myself actually. I just sat listening to my music, drinking my coffee, contemplating life and what it all means. The most prominent thing was watching all the people that would drive by. You get so caught up in life and what is happening to you, you forget that there are other people in it too, also going through things of they're own. I just found it....peaceful.

While I was "meditating" a song came on, and if any of you have never heard it I would have to say, "YOU LIE YOU CRAZY MONKEY!"
Learning To Fly - Tom Petty. If and I say IF, you have never heard it before, first slap yourself, then go and get it.

I leave you all with this;

Well I started out down a dirty r oad
Started out all alone
And the sun went down as I crossed the hill
The town lit up the world got still

I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Comin’ down is the hardest thing

Well the good old days may not return
And the rocks might melt, and the sea may burn

I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Comin’ down is the hardest thing

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I started out for God kno ws where
But I guess I’ll know when I get there

I’m learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Comin’ down is the hardest thing
I’m learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

I’m learning to fly
I’m learning to fly

I Need To Move Out.

Really, really really really I need to move out. Not to say I don't appreciate everything my parents have done for me, the closness of me and my mother again is causing problems, as it did in the past. I've been told it's called the rooster in the hen house syndrome, as in there are too many.

Now the situation is this. I live in my parents basement apartment, I pay rent, I pay for my own food, even make them supper and if they want to go out while I am at work, I will pay for the babysitter to come in so they can. (they have been watching my daughter for me while I am at work) Sounds great right?

Last week on my day off, I asked if they would mind watching Raven for the evening so I could go out to Chris' and watch movies, if they didn't want to I said I would get a babysitter and it would be fine. No no no, my mother insisted, go out, you never get a chance to. So by 9 that night my mom was finished with the car and we headed into Chris'. We watched 2 movies and headed back to my place, we arrived at 1:15 to which my mother was still up with my daughter because aparently my 3 year old informed her she didn't want to go to bed and my mother didn't push the subject, then balled me out saying I had no business being out so late, I have obligations to my daughter, she is never babysitting for me ever again because I am ungrateful and taking advantage of her.

Hmmmmm. My response was "Fine mom, good night" and I walked with Raven downstairs.

Next run in. My mother has an extreme problem with Chris staying with me so much. She is hardcore Catholic. Not saying there is anything wrong with that , but, she believes that him being there is morally wrong, I'm subjecting my daughter to this so I'm a bad mother, she has threatened to raise my rent, kick me out, blah blah blah. This is what I'm going through on a daily basis. Of course Chris knows about this because I've told him, ad his response is to stop staying with me, he hates it when my mother yells at me all the time. I told him that's foolish, it's none of her concern, I AM an Adult. Am I wrong? Am I possibly looking at this ascued?

I believe my mother is the most upset because I am still technically married. Me and my husband have been separated for almost a year now, and I have already told him I want a divorce. When I went to my mother about this she told me I had a moral obligation to my child and husband becuase I promised to be with him, I had to stay in my marriage even if I was unhappy because of my child because that is what she did.

THAT IS THE EXACT REASON I DON'T WANT TO CONTINUE IT.

Never do I want y daughter to find out that both parents are misserable and wasted their lives in misery because of them. Trust me.... it doesn't feel nice.

I was so confused when I moved home last year. So unsure of so many things. I have come to many conclusions. I am happy with myself and my decisions. I know I did the right thing. My daughter is the most important thing in my life, and I am deeply in love with the man I'm with now.

Having this much drama in my house as of late is just exhausting for me. So that is why I truly think the best thing is to move out.

Any comments guys, insight, anything would be truly appreciated. Here's the poll: Am I insane...or is my mom insane?

Soccer Moms

That's the focus of today's blog my friends. Why soccer moms you may ask,well, I went to get the order with my love and Raven today. We entered the checkout line and the scene was something from a very bad horror film.

On the back wall of Superstore standing shoulder to shoulder, all with the same hair color/hair cut/and clothing, were approximatley 25 to 30 soccer moms. All staring at me with blank expressions of disinterest, occasionally giggling and this or that, or talking about what Molly the next door neighbour just bought and how they were going to 1up them next pay day. Oh yes, that'll show them.

What was happening was that the local girls soccer team was bagging groceries. That didn't stop the horror of the whole thing for me.

Will I become a soccer mom? Isn't that what most women strive for? The perfect husband with the perfect job, allowing them to stay home all day and talk to their perfect friends about how great it is to have a perfect husband with the perfect job.

As this thought rushed through my mind I promptly turned to Chris and told him if I ever became a soccer mom, in a lovley bout of poetic justic and irony, beat me to death with a soccer ball.

All in all, it was a crazy thought I suppose, but beware my friends, for the evil monster in all of us will try to get out. Will try to turn you into something horrible....the most horrible thing of all.....the soccer mom.

Hey Hey Hey all,

What has been new with me. That seems to be the statement of the week. Amazingly enough I have had a few people approach me that I haven't seen in a long time recently, that always seems to happen around spring don't you find? There's something about Spring, the promise of summer, makes you want to jump and shout and sing....yodel mayhaps..hmm...yes that would be an experience. TO STAND ON THE MAYFLOWER MALL AND YODEL TO THE GODS OF SPRING !

hehe anyway, true enough I've been gone for a while, sick as it was....very sick.

I came to work, trying to be a trooper, little fever won't stop be.

*2 hours later*

*walking crooked carrying around a box of kleenex, drooling on myself disorientated*

"No, No, I'm....fine...just *stumble* fine really. *SNOG*

*1 HOUR LATER*

*slightly hallucinating*

"Hey, did you ever notice alot of people in this building look like cartoon characters?" *proceeds to peal into laughter*

Needless to say I left work early that night and have not seen the light of day for the last week. After a trip to the hospital where the new procedure of doctors so it seems to diagnose you is too look you in the eye, cover your forehead with their hand, and proceed to POUND NEEDLESSLEY on your forehead. Then to add insult to injury ask, "Does that hurt?"

OFF TO THE PHARMACY

*staring at the ginormous white pills I'm expected to choke down for 10 day*

Sinus and Lung infection final diagnoses. SO I'm eating these HUGE horse like pills for the next week, but all in all, I'm feeling alot better. Down side, I made my love sick *sad face*.

Up side, I will have this done before my "vacation" from work begins, then its off camping for a bit, then hopping into Jamie's car and we're off to see Slayer, WO0T.

Anyway all, hope you weekend is Germ Free!

Hey hey all, HAPPY BELTAINE!

So had a few days off this week which was good. Got Raven to the doctors about her blood work. It all came bad negative, but, he's referring me to a doctor in Sydney who knows alot about this stuff, so that's good. He's also referring me to a plastic surgeon in Antigonish for her birth mark, so I'll find a way there definently but anyway, it's a releaf to start the process none the less.

So I got my comp back as you know and now it's toast, fixed the A: drive and was trying to install the win98 and no go, so now it's not working at all, lol. That's what I get I suppose. So I went shopping for computers. Went to Staples and found the Holy Grail of computers and they said they had a payment plan, on with the payment plan I said.....DENIED. Now I know my credit is good, I had a credit check done on myself and I know I'm good to go. The excuse was that I had a New Brunswick liscense...so next day OFF TO THE DMV

*Me Chris and Raven walk into the DMV and starte at the 65 people already seated..take a number..and numbly walk to some seats and sit down*
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Raven: I want to hide Mommy.

Me: yeah ..me too Ray.

*Raven promptly ducks under the set of chairs in front of us and lays on the floor with her fingers in her mouth*
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Now tell me..how awesome is that? Not only did I want to crawl under the chairs with her for the pure curiosity factor of what it would look like down there, but, to be able to spontaniously break into the alphabet song..or any song for that matter, just start dancing and humming for no reason. I came to a conclusion. I WANT TO BE 3 YEARS OLD AGAIN! You know if you saw an adult doing any of that...you'd call him a loon and ship him off the the crazy shack!! hehe.. it would be fun though.

ANYWAY, after an hour and a half of waiting, I got my new Nova Scotia Liscense...ugly picture...but new liscense none the less....BACK TO STAPLES!

Same guy again actually, fill out the form..wait wait wait...DENIED! I know my credit is good, I had a credit check run on myself and I know Im good to go, now the only thing I can figure is that I have to put my place of employment in and in it's current situation with the lay off's, that's probably what's going on. Thinking about it as well, spending all that money every month for a computer when I really need a car worse. Then again, if I was denied at that place, I would probably be denied a lease as well. SO I am still trying and we shall see.

THE PUNISHER, saw it the other night at the show. I have to say very well done. It blows the other Punisher movie out of the water. Highly reccomend it guys, it's worth the money to see it BIG SCREEN BABY. Next on my have to see list is Harry Potter:The Prisoner of Azkaban. Don't laugh or point or make fun, if you haven't read the books I would suggest you do so, very easy read and highly addictive.

A few thank yous for everyone that has linked me to their blogs, only just started but it's going good so far *evil grin*

Well I should be getting back to work. New Virus hit called the W32.Sasser.worm, pretty brutal, so go to norton or mcafee to get the patches and removal tools if you don't have it yet.

Take care all!