OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

I am excited today as you can tell! I was all crushed yesterday to find out the Slayer concert going on in Halifax on June 10th was sold out. I wanted to go so bad, I'm a Slayer fan if ya can't tell.

So today a friend from work comes up and says the Moncton show is still open with tickets, I was a little turned off on Moncton because I have alot of people I could crash with in Halifax and a hotel is alot of money I can't really afford now. HOWEVER, she thinks we can crash at her uncles (he only goes there in the summer) and if we all pitch in on gas and grub we're set. So online we go and WO0T WO0T we all got tickets for the 11th of June.

I'M SO EXCITED!!

My birthday is on June 4th and what a great birthday present to me from me. It works out well because my EX is going to the Halifax show and wants to come here to see Raven, so he'd be coming home the day I'm leaving for Moncton, so he can look after Raven while we all go to the concert.

Even with everything that's been going on in the past 10 months for me, you know, I have to say this has been a wiked year. Not only did I get to meet alot of new friends at this job, but I learned alot about myself, good and bad, and am slowly learning to live it day by day and not focos on things way down the road that may or maynot happen, so why worry. This summer is going to be fantabulous.

Today's conversation on the elevator:
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Me: "Who's going to Slayer!!!" *very excited*

Chris: "We're going to Slayer" *monotone...bored even ;)*

Me: "Ok, let's pretend Kurt Cobain came back from the dead and they were playing Halifax."

Chris: " Well I would be really excited, because that would be like Jesus!"

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Haha, too cute.

So a few weeks have passed I believe since my last post.

Unfortunatly, I have no computer at home to do this so I ....*gasp* do this at work, which some may laugh but also as some of you know *supersteve**wink wink* they sometime frown on this sort of thing here. ANYHOO, I am getting my computer back from the EX today, win95 pentium 2...hehe it's made out of stone, first created by the cavemen, but I love it, it was my first comp.

My daughter hasn't been the greatest as well. She's had this "thing" for the last year and a half at night, sometimes, she wakes up screaming about her knees being sore, and she screams in pain for hours. So needless to say one night after 11 hours of screaming I packed her up and took her to outpaitents. They did their standard tests and I informed them in my owrried mothers voice that if they proceeded to tell me they were growing pains I was going to rip out their eyes and make them eat them. ON TO X-RAY. After many moments of trying to maneuver my 3 year old into proper positions we were done and they all looked fine...no abnormalities. yay blood work then. poor little thing, I didn't want to be one of those parents (like my own) who never told the child what was going to happen and lie about it not hurting at all. So I told Raven that she had to get a needle and it was going to pinch a little but not for long, and mommy was going to be there. So brave little girl went in and she got her needle and she cried, but, when she saw the lollipop they had for her afterwards...all was better.

So they told me I had to wait a week for the results to come in...a week....they tell me my daughter may have Rheumitoid Juvinile Arthritis....but we have to wait a week to tell you...riiiiight. Within the waiting time she took another "episode" as I call them and that was enough, I had waited the week but what do you know my doctor goes out of town and I had to wait for him to come back...by the time he comes back I call him...he tells me...oh i can fit you in in a week and a half......mind says" I hate you"

So as I said..she takes another episode before the appointment in which my mom calls the docotr and informs them that if they do not see her rate now we're going to the hospital again and when they ask why her doctor wouldn't see her...well they can answer those question. Response, "Bring her down immediatly". Within 20 minutes we're there and we go to see the doctor, the test say negative but there are not enough to rule it out...so now I have to take her again on Monday for more blood work. Granted, it could be worse, I know, but we shall see about that soon hopfully, I'm just really worried about her.

Along with that craziness we all get notice here that there is going to be a MASS layoff...like everyone here is buh bye. So as of the end of May I am jobless. So on the job hunt again, wo0t.

I'm thinking about going back to school, but the course I want to take is not given around here and I'd have to move to the Valley....I dont want to move there, I can't afford it really. My family here looks after my daughter while I work, my EX doesn't pay child support (too many bills cause you know I don't have any ) and I can't afford Day care. Going to try to figure something out though, I want Raven to be proud of me when she gets older, I want to be able to have a stable job to look after her. If that means mining for moon rocks on the moon....sign me up.

My love is becoming a permanent fixture in my apartment as well, my mother is even cooking extra large meals now figuring he'll be there and getting furoius when he goes to work and isn't there for supper, haha she's crazy.
I'm scared though his mom is going to hate me though, he never is home very much and I know she misses him. An amazing person he is though, he was up all night with me when Raven had her worse night and came with me to the hospital all day, when I had to take her back to the doctors he was there too, don't mean to rub it in or anything but I HAVE AN AWESOME BOYFRIEND!! *smiley face*

Anyway, bad with the good guys, day by day is my motto now.
Raven is having her episodes but hey, with those tests we'll find out what it is and get it right again. Loosing my job but hey, I can take a little vacation to spend time with my daughter and I'll get a better more funerific (like that word don't ya) one to boot.

So the sun in setting here in beautiful Cape Breton Island, and no matter what happens in the day, the sunset is always beautiful, and tomorrow is another day.

There are many paths and challenges in life you must make. This I will say with tongue firmly in cheek though as it is. I'm not talking about a major life change, well.... hmmm. Ok I'm trying to quit smoking. Yes, laugh all you non-smokers, point at the crazy lady, shout with authority "aww poor muffin giving up her cancer sticks and making herself healthier!". To you I say only this, "Cram it with walnuts ugly!" How hard is this, my goodness too hard! TOO RIDICULOUSLY HARD!

I'm doing this not only for my own health but for my daughter as well, I don't want her having bad asthma or allergies because of my addiction. SO, I am trying trying trying to phase it out then stop, so hopefully I will be off the evil devil sticks in a day or two.

Funny facts I have found out about smoking since when you tell people you're quitting you know the "born again" non smokers are all sooo proud of you. Did you know that smoking is harder to quit than Heroine? Hmmmm, uhh...hmmmm. well...uhhh..no comment. Now all your clothes will stop stinking, to this I responded...I stink...and you didn't tell me? But all in all the best push to quit smoking was my daughter coming in the room while I was smoking with her face all scrunched up in that oh-so-cute way and flailing her arms at the smoke yelling. "PEEEYEW MOMMY"

Yep, from the mouths of babes, cigaretts are peeyew, and I agree....But...

After that wonderfull turkey dinner after thanksgiving when you are so full you could passout and you're sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee....smoke.
After that 11 hour day at work when everyone was asking you impossible questions and you heard about everyones business that you did not care to know about and you find out that all that VTO you were taking just bit you in the behind...smoke.

Tim Hortons....need I say more?

REGARDLESS. I am quitting smoking, no matter the fact that I was one of the ones that did enjoy smoking, I need to quit. For me, for my daughter, clean lungs I say! To taste again! To walking up the 4 flights of stairs to my cubicle without taking a stroke! HOORAY!

Now all I have to worry about is the Tar Ponds.

It's odd. I've been thinking of writing a blog for a while now. Today I was at one of my favorite blog sites done by a friend of mine. He is in the process of deciding wether or not to end his blogging career and for some reason it pushed me to start this, hmmm, the brain is ever interesting.

Needless to say I'm starting this mostly to give myself a place to rant and rave (in relative quiet terms) without bothering the person sitting in the cube next to me and leaving them guessing just a little big longer if I truly am insane or not, besides, when someone asks how you are doing they really don't expect or want you to start raving about how you think this is horrible or that sucks or your dall-garned-versitis is acting up NAY, tis a farce that statement, a ruse of politeness I would even say, they just want you to say ,"Great and how bout yourself there Jim?"

Never the less, let the blogging begin.

Never in all my life did i think when I passed the causway 2 days after my 19th birthday that I would ever be back here again. I was sick of the people, the places, the smell, my family, my friends, everything, I needed distance. Off to New Brunswick my journey took me, many cities, many apartments, many friends made, and lost with my many moves. Life changes began. I got married, bought a car, bought a house, paid my bills, had a baby, played house wife for 2 years and I lost myself. Alot accomplished in 7 years if I do say so myself.

It felt as though I left something back on the island, I left and had to become everything that I wasn't, everything that I didn't want to be yet, everything that I wasn't ready to take on. I was commited though, I was a mother now, and a wife. I figured it didn't matter if I was happy or satisfied, my daughter mattered, the laundry mattered, a clean house mattered, I mean I could do this for another 80 years right?

Then a week before Xmas 2 years ago my husband was laid off, amazingly enough in my life rate now, it was the catalyst to the best thing in the world for me. He went on the ol' unemployment trip, and I was off to work again, 16 hours a day usually, not much time for anything really, and the gap between me and my husband grew by leaps and bounds. I had the opportunity to move home and go for a job here, which I took up thinking I'd go to the interview and head home to NB. So with a weeks worth of clothing and my daughter we headed back to the island.

After the interview and the pre training it was looking like I would be getting the job, I was to live with my parents with my daughter, but the husband refused to move home, which was fine with me and I couldn't understand why, so this got me to alot of thinking and re evaluating. I came to a realization over the weeks and months that was terrifying to me but I had to address. Not only was I unbelievabley unhappy with alot at that point, but the root of all of it was the fact that I thought of the man I married as no more than a friend, a chum, nothing more, I had no more desire to be with him than I did my best friend Dave, I wanted a separation, and eventually...a divorce.

So now is a new year, a new beginning even. My daughter is doing great, her father tries to get home from NB whenever he can to see her, he is still looking for work, I live in my parents basement apartment for now, Im working and loving it, I'm dating again and oddly enough I found someone almost as crazy as I am.

So in a nutt shell rate now if you were to ask how I was doing, I would have to say, "Great and how about yourself there Jim?'