Hey All, Long Time No See.

I greatly apologize for my blogging slackness. Since I've been laid off I have no internet access at home (something I plan to rectify).

"But wait!" you reply, "How is it that you are posting this blog?" Well my friends it's magic, yes I have borrowed some oompa loompa's from Chris, and they provide me with internet access............ nah I'm just joking, (I'm so sorry Morgan I know you were just freaking out screaming "I KNEW IT I KNEW THEY WERE REAL!") But alas, I'm telling fibs.

Nope surprise surprise my former company asked us all to come back for 6 weeks. Poor muffins, I think they can all choke personally, but ahhhh well.

Unfortunatly it came just in time to mess up some of my funnest summer plans. Tonight was the bachelor and bachelorette parties for 2 of my coolest friends who are getting married....AND IM HERE WORKING.....DAMMIT IM MISSING THE STRIPERS!!!!! POOR CHRIS IS ALSO MISSING THE STRIPPERS!!!!!!! DAMMIT!!!

Anyway, guys if you read this I really tried, but they wouldn't give me the time off or VTO...*sob*

So in the time that I had off had some ups and downs...more massivly fun ups than downs thankfully. Got to spend some wiked fun time with my daughter.

Summer Itinerary;

1. Make Sandcastle.... oh yeah check baby
2. Run and frolick with a peacock. Now you would cock your eyebrow at this yes I know...but I ran and frolicked with a bigillion peacocks...ok, aprx. 5
3. Puddle Jumping...well that I do whenever it rains...but summer rain kicks ass. CHECK!
4. Terminal Illness Scare. CHECK!
5. Have an adventure like the Goonies. Yeah, all I need is 3 mobsters, a huge greatly disfigured man child, and a blender. ooh ooh and a pirate ship, if anyone knows where I can find these...email me.
6. Hijack me a Shriners Hat. I've been wanting one of those for ages!
7. and last but not least, decide whether or not I'm moving to another province.

SO it's been good, my time off and all. Me and Chris have decided that some day, yes some other day, not anytime soon, but some day, we're going to go splits on a baby. hehe that was a fun conversation, wish I could give you the details, but *evil grin*

yes so all is well in the land of Crystal.

Anyway, I have to go on my break now. See ya.

I Suppose This is A Year In Review.

I found a "letter" I suppose you could call it that I wrote last year. It was a night I remember at about 4 am in the morning (yes ok it was the morning blah blah blah pay attention!!) ANYWAY, I couldn't actually remember what I wrote but AI do remember I put it away somewhere so it wouldn't be found...in essence I hid it on myself of course lol. Be that as it may this is what it says;

"What should be more important to me. My daughter, or my life. My daughter is my world and my universe. What do I do? Do I stay where I am for her? Keep my life long obligation to Scott? Stay in my marriage even if it means no love? For her? How am I suppose to do this? How am I suppose to live? He's a good father. He loves her so much. He loves me so much. What's wrong with me? Why do I feel so empty when he's here. Empty when we talk, empty when we kiss. Does any of that matter? Why do I need to be happy? She is happy. I am so tired of crying. I'm so tired of the guilt and the confusion. Why can't anything be easy anymore? How is this going to end? It's only been 3 months. What happens next year? Can your heart die from hurt? Will I ever feel anything else but confusion anymore? Will I ever feel again? Can you force yourself to love someone again? We're so distant, like 2 different people who are forced to talk to one another everyday. He's trying so hard, for us, and I can't even manage a smile. I'm so tired."

So that's it, that's was what was inside me at that moment last July. To look back on that writing now and be able to smile, to be able to look inside myself an know that everything is going to be ok. To quietly call back to myself in that time and whisper, "It's going to be ok."

So what has happened next year as I asked myself, so many questions.

I had the best birthday I can remember in years last week, for lack of a better term my birthdays were inconsiquential, but this year, people remembered, people were happy for me and hugged me and made me feel like it's good to be here. Yes it was fantanstic.

I've made a life decision, I'm going to go back to college, granted I'll be moving to Kentville, but I'll be doing something I truly love to do.

I'm happy again, I laugh again, and finally after a long time I can truly dance in the rain again.

So I whisper now back to that confused young lady," It's going to be better than ok, Everything is going to be great."